TV AM – THE MUSICAL

Popular former Breakfast television favourite TV AM is being turned into a West End musical by theatrical expert Andrew Lloyd Webster.

“It was an easy decision to make” said Sir Andrew, “the programme just lends itself to musical theatre.”

No decisions have been made as to casting but Hollywood superstar couple Jennifer Aniston and Bradley Pitt have expressed an interest in playing the starring roles of Mike Morris and Wincey Willis.

“Mr Pitt clearly sees Mike Morris as an opportunity to do something he has never done before. Mr Pitt has appeared in many things but polyester pullovers isn’t one of them.”

But the production has run into legal problems almost before it has begun. Roland Rat – Britain’s favourite cuddly spreader of disease – is tied up in a complicated rights issue and will not be able to appear in the show. Instead the character will be replaced by a young Lorraine Kelly (rumoured to be played by Glynis “Makepeace” Barber).

“This will be a production which will take your breath away” enthused Lord Lloyd Webster. “It will have sex, drama, death, songs, drugs, explosions and the sexiest costumes this side of Baywatch. Fun for all the family.”

We asked the real Mike Morris whether he would go to see the show.

“I’m hoping to get an audition to be in the show. I’ve still got an Equity card, it’s just rather dusty. I think I could bring an air of sexy authenticity to the production. Would you like to buy a Big Issue by the way?”

King Lloyd Webster chuckled when I relayed Mr Morris’s desire to be in the show.

“Mike was the greatest of all time but his time has been eaten by the reality monster” he said. “If it came down to Mike Morris vs. Jennifer Aniston I know which side of my bed is buttered.”

We suspect the strain is getting to him.