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Zero-Tolerance Police Initiative Described as "Taking no prisoners"

"I put the wrong tape in" claim as Fox News Broadcasts 2008 Election Results

'Management Consultancy' to be VAT-free after its proved nothing they do adds any value



Man with small penis misunderstands advice to have his cock injected

Tiger Woods proves golfers can look cool

Virgin Mary reaches hurricane victims before President Bush



The News in Pictures

Your Horoscope

The Diana Cash-in Generator

This week in History

14 things you didn't know

The Papers

The stories that have the most detail

Bush's Face Carved into Ayres Rock

Great Britain loses self respect

Scientists announce "the weight of God"

Michael Moore's New Film "Quite Political"

"Fawlty Towers" Movie About to Hit Cinemas

How PC Can a PC Be if a PC Can Be PC?

"Not Being Able To Swim" to become a sport in 2005

Invisibility Secret "Lost"

ITV to scrap new drama

Internet to blame for "everything"

"Make badminton not war" says Stubbs

"Jeff Stelling Attacked My Testicles"

Daily Mirror in WMD world exclusive

Pope condemns “Biblical fanfic”

Big Brother V to be "most controversial yet" claim Channel 4

President Bush in Hospital Drama

Stubbs' Debut Novel is "Socio-Sporting Allegory"

Formby arrested in paedophilia bust

Plucky Brit follows dream

Charles arrested in pub brawl

BBC in Fresh Weather Storm

Ray Stubbs has a masterplan

Potter named "Greatest Briton"

Anthea Turner to sue

"Doctor Who?" promotion begins in earnest

Educationalists plan to "refocus" teaching of History

Sports Warfare Goes Genetic

"I feel so proud" says fat man

Crime to be Legalised from 2005

How Pure is your Energy?

Surprise Cabinet Reshuffle In Headlines

Beachy Head to Tackle Suicide Mess

The BBC beats the BBC in Court

BBC Walloped over April Fool

Vegetarian Sues McDonalds

Britain's Gays go to Polls

Canister of Film Reveals TV That Never Was

Weather Man Giles Faces Sexual Probe

Daily Mail in New Embarrassment

Unfilmable Book Goes Before Cameras

Ant and Dec to Conjoin

Tony Blair outs himself on "Terry and Gaby" Show

Accusation Mars Pope's Party

Wham! to Reform - EXCLUSIVE

Channel Four's New Season Schedule Launched

Rap Star in New Town Controversy

Dinosaur Mystery Unearthed

Country Legend Makes New Record

Police Launch Pre-emptive Murder Investigation

Cows "okay" For Healthy Vegetarian Diet

"WiFi is next stage of evolution" claims tech

"Basically, they were a nuclear explosion and I'm Martin Landau" explains Stubbs

Red-Headed Athletes To Be Penalised

Michael Howard "I'm Proud to be a C.U.N.T."

Cobby Strikes Over Pay

Banks To Pilot 'Edible Cheques' Scheme

TV Presenter McClain "Fake" Say TV Bosses

"Nothing is ze vorld can schtop me now!" cries Stubbs

Blonde Woman Sues Own Hair After "Stupid" Remark

Ray Stubbs Insists "I'm not taking my protection suit off until Stelling is caught and tried"

14 Things You Thought No One Would Ever Tell You

Arab apology 'not good enough'

"Smokers punished by new Euro-legislation"

14 Things You Thought Nobody Could Possibly Know

IMPORTANT statement from new News Womb editor

Hussein admits Iraqi military secrets

President Bush criticised over Christmas card

Coventry's ban on classic books

"Behead a hen" night raises £300 for charity

Britain's dumbest pervert gives himself away

Doctor sued for saving life

"Tennis is rubbish" says everyone

"Drink beer for Jesus"


Would-be superhero denied grant

Unnamed man does unspecified thing

Wayne Rooney - Adventurer

Bush wins Weakest Link

"You're selling the piss"

New US initiative to combat terrorism

Shoplifter offers rubbish defence

Sissons found in skip

Lung cancer becomes Olympic event

Parliament sticks - fact

Prime Minister storms off Blue Peter

Proverb Anarchist strikes again


Vidiprinter error leads to many deaths

Ray Stubbs - "I am Patrick McGoohan"

BBC conspiracy targets Stubbs

Johnny Rotten canonised in postal mix up

"Santa stole my idea" claims brother

Man sells leg and ends up in court

Premiership police probe

Lap dancing midget was Gulf War weapon

"Magic cheese"

Men and women are different

Moira Stewart in satanic pact shock

"Monkeys are tossers" says expert

"There were thousands after me" claims Stubbs

Moonlanding - yes or no?

Motorways are doomed in management experiment

Naked vicar sues plagiarist

"For God's sake moisturise" cries Nigel Havers

Michael denies arse cheating

Stubbs tells “Hello” magazine “I need the police to strip search my postman”

Government launches Gay Studies course

GMTV wins Booker Prize


Scientist makes joke

Lord Chancellor's expensive haircut controversy

Inflatable Motorways to ease congestion

Lorraine Kelly marries in Pagan ceremony

Lorraine Kelly in gullibility shock

Mental Muppet stalks Kermit

Digital Versatile Book launched

Exam board in cock up shock

Death of soap stuns telly world

EU rules "Scone rhymes with Cone"

Europe bans soup

New BBC makeover show hits headlines

Fat man sees feet

BBC launches Favourite Word poll

"Gays don't exist" says cricketer

Man downloads wife from Internet

Lawyer achieves pre-emptive divorce

New Diana truths on sale

Man lives in crate - shuns media attention

DIY face lift dangers

Corronenders is PPV cash cow

Collapsible vicar controversy

Chinese space programme attacked by US

Cherie Blair in asylum seeker mouth drama

Man disproves proverb

"Buttocks prove the existance of God"

“Black Is The New Rock And Roll”

Buffy In Slippage Crisis

“Buttocks Prove The Existence Of God”

Computer Virus Is A Pain In The Bollocks

Weather Man In Shock Metaphor Outburst

Police Tackle Misprinted Social Problem

BBC Cutbacks Not Bloodless

The English To Attack America

Survey Proves That Working In An Office Is “Annoying”

999 Service To End

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