TEXAN MINISTER TELLS FOLLOWERS TO “DRINK BEER FOR JESUS”

A Texan who claims to be a messenger from Jesus has told his believers that the good lord wants them to be permanently drunk in order to fulfil the Second Coming.

“Jesus told me that only by drinking beer can men prove themselves devoted to his Message” said Rev Buford Austin. “Wine has long been a part of the Church and I’m simply after bringing faith up to date.”

When asked whether he has any financial interest in the local beer producer – Buford Beer – he told us that men had been nailed to crosses for less and that we should watch our damn step.

Rev Austin – who has three convictions for shooting people who wear crosses round their necks for purely fashion reasons – has been dismissed by the American Church Congress as being a “wishy washy liberal” and they advise that his beer message should be ignored unless he is actually pointing a gun at you.

But Austin sticks firmly to his message that beer is the most direct route to God.

“Beer removes the inhibitions between a man and his lord. Only through drinking beer can a man’s heart sing about the joy of being alive. And anyone who disagrees with that can answer to my shotgun.”

Rev Austin’s church made the front page of Texas Today when he unveiled their new statue of Jesus holding a riffle and wearing an NRA badge.

“Jesus was a kick ass kinda guy and that’s why I worship him” said Rev Austin, cracking open a beer and burping the opening lines of the Lords Prayer.