TENNIS IN CRISIS

Tennis is in crisis tonight after every single person in the world realised that it is a stupid, boring and pointless game.

"I can't believe I've wasted my life on this shit" said "Tiger" Tim Henman.

The BBC has decided not to screen next year's Wimbledon and a representative was seen on the streets of London trying to sell the rights to visiting tourists.

"Tennis is rubbish" said British number 7 Charlie "Tosser" Tizer. "I gave up a good job sweeping roads to pursue this bollocking dream. I feel used and embarrassed."

Tennis racquets are selling for five pence each as people buy them for a joke.

Tim Henman is 12.