Ray Stubbs Insists "I'm not taking my protection suit off until Stelling is caught and tried"

Millionaire presenter Ray Stubbs turned up for work this morning wearing a Ministry of War approved plastic protection suit. The outfit - which incorporates a bullet proof vest and little wipers which keep the visor clean - cost over ten thousand pounds and is, according to Mr Stubbs, vital if he is to continue presenting sports programmes without running the risk of dying horribly.

"I have written evidence that Jeff Stelling and the team at Sky Sports have the capability to launch a full scale chemical or biological attack on the Grandstand studios within forty five minutes. Think about that - we could be going around the grounds at half time and by the final whistle we'd be scorched and poisoned corpses littering the floor."

A spokesman for Sky Sports rubbished Mr Stubbs' claims calling them "ferret stained offal" and insisted that an independent team from ITV Sport (headed by Lady Gabby Logan) had thoroughly searched the Sky Sports studios in Maidenhead and had not found anything suspicious except Tim Lovejoy. Mr Lovejoy, 37, was identified as "potentially lethal but strictly short range" and the experts concluded he'd never be in a position where he could get anywhere near the BBC sports department.

"That is twaddle" protested Mr Stubbs through the suit's mouthpiece. "Jeff Stelling has the ability to annihilate me, Gubba, Sindstat and the rest of the team at a moment's notice. You only have to look at the company he keeps. Rodney Marsh for one is a well known international terrorist."

"If Mr Stubbs wants to turn this into a holy war, we will die fighting" chuckled Jeff Stelling from the Sky Sports studios deep under Kent. "If he doesn't watch his face we'll send George Best round with a bottle of scotch and a detonator."

"I think I've proved my point" said Stubbs before finally removing his helmet after the make up lady said it made him look tarty.