Canister of Film Reveals TV That Never Was

A BBC cleaning services engineer couldn't possibly have known what she would find when she poked her nose into a cupboard at Television Centre. Rose Klaaak of Wimbledon found what she thought was a rusty old tin of film but which turned out to be a rusty old tin of historic film.

"Well bless me, cor luvva duck" she probably said between lighting a cigarette and patting the curlers in her hair.

The canister contained several unscreened pilot programmes which the BBC made and then abandoned once they realised what they had done. The pilot shows will be screened at a special gala evening at the National Film and Television Archive as part of their "God We Were Stupid" season.

Amongst the newly unearthed gems are Keith Chegwin's starring role as Sherlock Holmes in yet another version of The Hound of the Baskervilles, Gary Coleman's chat show featuring guests Enoch Powell and the then popular Bernard Manning and most interestingly of all is Marilyn Manson's Newsround. Following the removal on sanity grounds of John Craven, the BBC tried a number of different guest hosts before settling on some bland person whose name we can't be arsed researching.

The BBC have long denied that Manson, 47, ever presented Newsround so it is good that one of their contract employees has proved them to be underwear-smouldering liars. Manson was unusually restrained throughout the eight minute broadcast and only once lapsed into a howling torrent of rage about what he perceived to be the failings of society.

The BBC tonight issued a denial that they had ever denied the existence of the footage in question. Who knows what the weasels will say tomorrow.