Formby arrested in paedophilia bust

Popular 1960s singing sensation George Formby has been exhumed and then arrested today by police as part of the anti-paedophile Operation Rupert. The singer, who has been dead for almost half a century, stands accused of encouraging paedophilia through his allegedly comedic song "When I'm cleaning windows".

"It is clear" explained Inspector Parts of the Metropolitan police, "that this song is all about a man who gets gratification from looking through peoples windows. Some of those windows may have belonged to children."

Is there any mention of children in the song's lyrics?

"Not directly but the clear indication is that men of a certain deviant nature can climb ladders and masturbate over the children they see and all they have to do in return is wipe the window with a cloth. Preferably not the cloth they ejaculated into as that would smear."

Why arrest Mr Formby after his death?

"Death is no excuse" said Inspector Parts. "Anyway, we had to make sure he was dead - these perverts are devious and cunning."

What else will be going on as part of Operation Rupert?

"I'm afraid I can't tell you that as it is a secret. But if I were any of the people on this list" he handed me a piece of paper, "I wouldn't be able to sleep easily in my filthy bed tonight. We won't stop until the streets are safe for our children to walk at night."

For legal reasons I am unable to name anyone on the list but if you think of someone who looks a bit dodgy, chances are they are on it.

He is - the one you just thought of - his name was underlined.