"I feel so proud" says fat man

A fat British man has officially become the first human being to be visible from space. Barry Rolls of Nottingham was spotted by American astronaut Gil Gerard II as he was feeding the birds in his garden.

"I looked down and saw this huge white shape" said Mr Gerard, 31. "At first I thought it was the Millennium Dome but then I noticed it was too far up England to be London. I told my co-astronaut and she used the computer to determine that it was indeed a human being."

"I can't believe it" said Mr Rolls. "I go out every day to feed the birds but they never come to see me because sometimes I always eat the crumbs myself. Mmmmm, crumbs. To think that Americans were watching me is a fantastic feeling. And one of them was a woman. Mmmmm, women covered with crumbs."

NASA issued an official statement denying that anything had happened but then rescinded it once they realised that nothing had happened.

"There is no point covering up something that isn't there" said Hammy Foam of NASA's press relations.

Mr Rolls has since been advised by a man to sue NASA for invasion of privacy. NASA have launched a counter suit claiming Mr Rolls is a dangerous distraction to its space mission.

"Imagine if they were doing something delicate" said Mr Foam, "seeing that man could cause them to drop valuable equipment. And feeding birds just encourages the pests."