Country Legend Makes New Record
by our excited reporter Simon Hunt

Country singing star Dolly Parton is set to enter the Guinness Book of World Records for the most number of album compilations released ever. Parton, 89, first rose to fame under country has-been Porter Wagner, and is known worldwide for her chart smashes "I Will Always Love You", "Coat of Many Colors" and "Barbara On Your Mind". But from 22nd July, Dolly aims to make music history by releasing an album regularly every single week of the year.

"These records are like my children," said Parton at a press-call in her historic Smoky Mountain Home, which was renovated in 1982 to add a swimming pool, games centre and beauty salon. "And I just want to share as much of them with you as I can. It costs a lot to look this cheap."

The compilations, the first of which will be titled "The Best Of Dolly Volume 1", will each feature a random selection of the singers greatest hits, chosen by a computer, although each CD will be guaranteed to feature "Coat of Many Colors", "Jolene", "I Will Always Love You" and at least one crap one. Tex Piss, vice president of the Dolly Parton Fan Club, said "I just hope people realise there's a heart under that hair and a brain beneath those boobs."