President Bush in Hospital Drama

American President and leader of the terrified world George W. Berk is recovering in hospital tonight after an accident. Mr Bush, 37, was out and about in the wilds with Camp David when he slipped on a pretzel and swallowed his mountain bike. The President's personal security doctor rushed to the scene and slapped him on the back but the metal frame refused to be moved.

"We tried slapping Mr Bush every way we could think of but the damn commie bike wouldn't come out" explained Doctor Weinberg Mozart. "The President was turning purple and eventually lost consciousness. He fell forward and bumped his face on passing rabbit."

By this stage help was at hand in the form of a television crew from CNN who selflessly filmed the President for several minutes before handing back to Bob in the studio.

Just when it appeared that Mr Bush Junior would have to give way to Mr Bush III, the cartel of sinister business men who control him sent word via his concealed ear piece that he was, under no circumstances, to pass away. At this Mr Bush gave an almighty cough and the mountain bike flew from his mouth and landed safely on a nearby party of school children.

"It was a miracle" said Doctor Mozart. "I will be writing to the Pope to see if I can't get myself a Sainthood."

"Not bloody likely" commented his Popiness when we spoke to him. "For saving that little turdwipe I should excommunicate the whole bloody lot of them. Jeez." 

Mr Bush is to address the American people this week to explain to them a policy that he himself could never understand.