Anthea Turner to sue Anthea Turner

A woman from Glasgow, North Britain, is to launch a legal suing someone suit against previously more popular television presenter Anthea Turner after she alleges that also being called Anthea Turner has made her life a living mess.

"I am constantly being bombarded with poor quality ridicule" said Anthea Turner, 27, "My colleagues say things like 'don't take pictures of our sausage rolls' and I have to explain that they were Mini Rolls and Anthea Turner was being photographed rather than doing the photographing."

Surely the original Ms Turner cannot be blamed for this?

"If she hadn't done all the things that she did then I wouldn't get all of the things that I'm getting. Admittedly some of the blame falls at the desks of my rather witless colleagues but I can't sue them because they're my friends."

What form does the mental torture normally take?

"Every time they get me a cup of coffee they'll say 'here's one we made before' or 'do you want sugar with that or are you in training for a parachute jump?' It drives me round the corner, it really does."

"And now the final straw has fallen off the duck's back" she continued, sipping a goblet of wine and flicking mail at a passing woman, "they've given me an assistant called Tracy Island."

Her departmental head, Peter Blue, dismissed her accusations saying "It's all just good natured fun - we learned our lesson when that ugly temp took us to court for calling her 'David Mellor' and making her wear a bag over her head. It isn't as if we'd let her fully suffocate - she just overreacted and panicked and turned purple."