In the time it will take Crash Corrigan to fall the several hundred feet to his death we just have time to open this chapter with some reminders of who is what, where is why and when is how.

The recap cards open with everyone’s favourite dyspeptic despot, Unga Khan "whose ruling ambition is to conquer the upper world". I swear they reuse the same words each week and just change the order. Professor Norton’s "super-sub-marine was sucked into the undersea land of Atlantis" (which happened in chapter one – shouldn’t chapter seven’s recap be recapping more than just chapter one?), Diana is still a "go-getting newspaper girl", Billy is still a face and a hand suspended in space… I mean Billy "stowed aboard the sub through love of adventure and admiration for Crash". If you ask me he admires adventure and loves Crash [dangnabbit - apparently they used that caption and I used that joke way back in chapter two]. And finally the late Lt Corrigan who "accompanied Professor Norton to the bottom of the sea". What is it with these chapter one recaps? Have I clicked on the wrong chapter?

Checks.

Nope – here comes Crash with Billy on his back to rope walk away from a scheming despot intent on raising Atlantis and conquering the world. Normality is resumed.

Our final glimpse of Crash Corrigan reminds us that he gave his life for the good of mankind, sacrificing himself so others may…

Gosh-darnit – he’s done it again.

Billy jumps from Crash’s back and rolls down a hill like he’s Sarah Jane in uniform. Crash makes a more manly landing and cradles his unconscious comrade in his arms.

The one who was a black hat but became a white hat then dressed up as a black hat is now dressed as a white hat again. But even that can’t help Sharad – the Juggernaut stands guard over the gates of the Sacred City and a rescue mission is impossible. Diana whimpers that Crash and Billy are at the mercy of "that mad man, Unga Khan". She points as she says this, as if Khan were standing in the corner of the room listening. Sharad turns just to make sure he isn’t.

The white hat (who was a black hat then became a white hat dressed as a black hat (etc)) shows he isn’t just a pretty face. He’s got a plan… or wind.

We pan across to a statue of some god or goddess or other. Hmm – cunning. Whatever it is.

We don’t have to wait long – the gates open, a chariot races out and all the several hundred men on several hundred horses turn and chase it.

Which brave soul risked his life to lead off the black hats? Why it was… the statue of course. No need to risk human life in such a folly.

Except the statue is being held in place by the white hat who was a black hat. Here we see him fondling the god or goddess’s bottom.

Oh look – the ruse worked so well that even the Volkites were fooled. Here we see them about to run into a tree because although the gap looks wide, it is because we are closer to it than they are.

The Juggernaut blasts the chariot with its atom gun and the statue is sent crashing down the mountainside. The black hats dismount and survey the carnage beneath them

"We’ve been tricked!" exclaims a man who has indeed been well and truly tricked.

Meanwhile, back with Crash, Billy is feeling well enough to walk. Fortunately, he won’t have to as the white hat who was a black hat is spotted straight away. Considering they are in a place where lucky coincidences happen at least once a week he looks rather startled to find his friends so easily.

Now, for the first time during this serial, I am beginning to lose the will to live. Crash warns the white hat who used to be a black hat that they should hurry or they will be spotted by a black hat in the tower. So obviously they are immediately spotted by a black hat in the tower. He orders that they be recaptured.

And what do you think that means? Of course – several hundred men on several hundred horses. Obviously.

A long chase ensues though the same bits of Atlantis we’ve seen every Saturday morning for the last eight hundred years. Finally Crash decides to do something silly to break up the monotony.

Crash decides that the best course of action is to ditch the chariot and climb up a tree.

Luckily, the tree leads them to a rocky outcrop and from there they are able to get within sight of the Sacred City. Their attempt to enter the city without the several hundred men who are following them knowing where they are is ruined when this fool decides to blow his trumpet very loudly.

But all is well that ends well – they make it to the Sacred City and receive a guard of honour for their troubles.

Diana and the boy Billy explain Unga Khan’s plot to Crash and Sharad. Crash dismisses it as utter nonsense because "you can’t get priming powder in Atlantis" so rocket motors won’t work. Thanks Crash – thanks for telling us we’ve wasted the last seven Saturday mornings watching this rubbish.

Oh! But wait! We’re not the only ones watching this rubbish. Unga Khan’s lackey has been watching the entire conversation via the medium of tele-vision. He’s heard that the rockets need priming powder and that Crash says the only place it can be found is in Norton’s rocket powered submarine.

The lackey rushes to find Unga Khan and tell him the news. Khan meanwhile has indigestion and is listening to Professor Norton babble on about his model rockets.

But hold hard – the real rocket motors are nearly ready for testing. The lackey informs Khan that Crash is on his way to the submarine. Khan is cross with the Professor (who appears to be enjoying a whiskey and soda) for not fetching the powder himself.

Khan sends word to the caves that his men are to get to the sub first, retrieve the powder and stop Crash Corrigan. Naturally, all that work requires several hundred men on several hundred horses.

Crash and Billy find the submarine’s remote control unit and recall the ship to the surface. It is truly an amazing craft as it seems to lift itself rear first and sucks in thousands of bubbles as it does so. A cynic would say they reversed the film but I am no cynic. This is science and that is an end to it.

The problem with Unga Khan’s plan to send his men to fetch the priming powder is that if priming powder is unknown in Atlantis, how will the men know where to look?

Ah.

Crash gets the tubes of priming powder back to his chariot but warns Billy to be careful.

"They go off like dynamite" he says. We however know from the last episode that dynamite is a rich source of comedy and is regularly handed out to incompetent prisoners so they can blow their guards up.

Billy sights soldiers. We see several hundred men on several hundred horses piling down a hill.

"Unga Khan’s men!" gasps Crash. Of course they’re Unga Khan’s men you idiot. Who else has been chasing you for the last seven weekends? ARGHHHH.

Awww crap – there is more powder in the submarine so Crash sends Billy away to hide while he goes and gets it. And there was me hoping we’d have another exciting chase through the countryside of Atlantis.

Wait! Crash has a plan – he’s going to put the priming powder on a life raft and let it float away like Moses.

Crash has been spotted by the black hats. It looks like he’s in for a bumpy ride and no mistake. They look like they’re about to break into something from "West Side Story".

Two black hats try to sneak up on Crash but he’s out smarted them. Jumping from a tree, he begins to grapple manfully before his feet have even touched the ground.

Chased by more black hats Crash swings to freedom on a handy vine. He gets all of six feet before he plunges into the lake.

Astonishingly, he comes up for air right next to the life raft he launched some minutes earlier and pushed away in a random direction.

The black hats have an archer. After a couple of near misses he announces his next arrow will detonate the priming powder.

Good grief – he was right. The biggest bang since the big bang and with Crash right next to the raft when it blew up there is no way in this world or the upper one that he’s survived. He’s toast. Soggy toast but still toast.