Taped on the 20^th April 1988 at the Everton Park Leisure centre, not broadcast until the 9^th of July that same year.

This was a battle between two bad guys – the first of which is Rasputin, named after the mad monk once played by Tom Baker. Himself a former mad monk. Rasputin – or "Wrestling Rasputin" as the ring announcers always called him, presumably in case the old Russian wasn’t quite dead yet and sued – was a big fellow but was literally dwarfed on this occasion. He was cross about being doubled crossed in a battle royal (yes – they did an ANGLE~!) a few weeks earlier and wanted revenge.

As a point of trivial interest that battle royal featured Marty Jones, Drew McDonald, Colonel Brody, Rory Campbell, Giant Haystacks, Steve Regal, Rasputin and King Kendo. Steve Regal would of course become WWE’s William Regal while King Kendo inexplicably was allowed to steal the gimmick of the great Kendo Nagasaki without ever being politely told to stop it or he’d get a ceremonial sword where he would least like one.

The other bad guy was of course Giant Haystacks – or "The Giant Haystacks" as he was always announced as – the forty-six stone monster from Manchester. By 1988 his vast weight had really slowed him down and for the most part he was limited to doing thirty second squash matches. I remember one against Skull Murphy from round about this time which was basically shoulder block, forearm, big elbow, knock out. Done and dusted in less time than it takes to describe. I do sometimes wonder what the fine chaps of the dressing room thought when they got to work that day and saw they were facing one of the Big Two. Despair was probably in there somewhere. The sort of despair that not even an extra tenner in the envelope can cure.

These are the best I can do. It’s one of the least homoerotic things I’ve ever seen on any channel and that includes the internet.

Rasputin was cross even before he’d got into the ring. The shock of doing an actual angle must’ve gone to his brain. Note the shiny hair – this man lives his mad monk gimmick.

He’s now in the ring and he hasn’t calmed down. He’s wagging his Irish finger in Haystacks’ face. Which is dangerous as fingers look like sausages and it’s hours since lunch.

Over the other side of the ring, Haystacks seems calm. To him, Rasputin is like a buzzy little fly. With his fur coat, he’s living his haystack gimmick too.

The MC – a tiny little man in present company – optimistically says the bout will be fought over eight 3 minute rounds. I have my doubts to be honest.

Haystacks grimaces. He looks like he’s got someone else’s teeth in. Several different peoples teeth actually. Maybe he collected them from his victims.

The crowd don’t like him so he bellows at them. They don’t like that either so he just glares at them with his mighty beard.

Rasputin takes in a mixed reaction. Some folks hate him, some like him but most are hoping there won’t be a collection for his next of kin.

Haystacks gets things off to a violent start as he wallops Rasputin before the ref has finished his customary spiel about having a nice clean fight and may the fattest man win. Best man. May the best man win.

Jeff Kaye – for it is he – punishes Haystacks by ordering the timekeeper to ring the bell and start the match.

Rasputin is waffled again. ITV helpfully put up a graphic with how long he has left to live. Just so nervous viewers could arrange to be somewhere else when it happens.

Haystacks hits him with a head butt. And why not – even his head was massive. Bigger even than Jeff Wode’s. If you’ve not seen 'Withnail and I' you won’t get that remark. Actually, if you’ve not seen 'Withnail and I' then stop reading rubbish like this and watch it. I’ll still be here when you’re a more rounded human being.

Meanwhile, back at the sport, Rasputin is rolled along the floor by a massive hand. He takes two bumps for the price of one. Stretching audience credulity slightly in the process.

He gets up and he gets knocked down again. It’s like a parable but in reverse.

Haystacks kicks him when he’s down. The ref makes a face and Haystacks implores the crowd to "Urghhhh". At least that’s what he says to them.

Good god – a hold. An actual wrestling hold. A rear naked choke no less. That’s a real hold.

His technique could be better but he seems pleased with it. Either that or a woman in the front row is eating a punnet of chips and she’s just winked at him. "Hey baby…"

Raspy – as I like to think of him – has a go, bless him. He tries elbowing Haystacks in his abs. Sadly, assaulting GH’s family sized one-pack doesn’t do much good.

Raspy tries bouncing off the ropes and into Haystacks. It does not work. Rasputin’s best hope is to make it to the end of round one and discuss strategy with his team during the break. Or hope the guy with the bucket knows where the fire exit is.

Another rear naked choke. Sorry – by the way – for using the word "naked" so often in a Giant Haystacks article. I’m aware some of you may have eaten dinner recently.

Ooh – that elbow to the midriff worked. Haystacks is staggered slightly. Raspy sees his chance.

It gets him just short of nowhere. Haystacks grabs him like the last half dozen pies and pushes him down to his stomach.

They blow a spot here – Haystacks is trying to hit Raspy but Raspy moves and Haystacks hits the metal post. Except Rasputin can’t move because he’s wedged in the corner and Haystacks’ fist basically brushes Rasputin's head as any normal wrestling punch would. Haystacks sells and no one quite knows what to do for a moment.

Rasputin makes his comeback. With Haystacks on the ropes he pounds away him like a man playing a whale skin drum.

"You don’t often see this fellow on the canvas" says Kent Walton, apparently oblivious to the fact that Haystacks is still firmly on his feet.

The comeback lasted all of ten seconds before a mighty forearm sends Rasputin back from whence he came.

I thought that was it for Raspy – one big, fat elbow smash later and you’d be scooping him up and carrying him back to the dressing room in a series of differently coloured buckets. But no – Haystacks drags him into the corner and starts buggering about with the gaffer tape that holds the ring together. How utterly evil.

Oh no – he’s exposed something deadly and metallic. Trouble looms.

Hoist by his own petard – Rasputin reverses the position and bashes Haystacks’ head into the exposed metal thing of doom.

Twice.

Haystacks responds by throwing Rasputin over the top rope to the floor.

As Raspy tries to get back into the ring, Haystacks grabs him and bangs his head into the metal. Ouch.

It’s all too much for the referee who disqualifies the big man. Haystacks takes it well.

First he wallops the ref with his ham like fist…

…and then he drops his 46 stone elbow on him for good (or bad) measure. Ouch squared.

"Oh dear" says Kent. "This is getting out of hand."

For some reason, the sight of a referee in a crumpled heap encourages dozens of kids to leave their seats and get in the ring.

Luckily there is a medic on hand to… sprinkle holy water on him? That’s what it looks like. It’s certainly no medicine I’ve ever seen.

Note the kid in the light shirt and trousers. He’s jumping up and down like his team have just scored. He must either be a huge Haystacks fan or a budding anarchist who just likes anti-authority pieces.

More kids climb into the ring as this serious medical emergency is given due respect.

Maybe he’s actually dead. He’s not moving. Is there a priest in the house?

It wasn’t the 30 second squash I was expecting and it did come out of that rarest of things – an angle in British wrestling. They were trying to move with the times a wee bit by the late 80s but it was too little too late. Haystacks was still hugely over but almost immobile. This would’ve been a perfect time to make a new star (and – heck – the tabloids would probably have given it some coverage) by having him cleanly defeat the Giant. Rasputin wasn’t that man, this wasn’t that bout and the end result was that nothing was any different. They knew it was all over. I remember I knew months in advance and I was only little. Maybe this was their way of creating something they could take round the town halls after TV had let them go. Up and down the country, a dwindling band of old ladies and small children could’ve seen "The Rematch". If that was the aim then this wasn’t a bad bit of business. It was certainly better than most late 80s Haystacks bouts.