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King of the Rocket Men
Jeff King is Rocket Man - scourge of Doctor Vulcan

And so we reach the final chapter and… well, there’s nothing to play for. We know that Doctor Vulcan is the one with the glasses from all those meetings, Jeff Rocket has been fried by the sparking machine and it’s 2010 so we know the decimator didn’t destroy the world in 1949. So what can the next thirteen or so minutes possibly tell us that we don’t already know?

We rejoin the action as Rocket Man and Dr Vulcan are having a slightly pompous debate about the nature of good verses evil, peace verses power and wearing a hat verses wearing a bucket. The sidekick is desperate to join in but no one has bothered to untie him so all he can do is register his disapproval of Vulcan’s philosophy by giving him such a look.

Hooray – the sidekick uses his feet to kick a hoodlum into the deadly sparks and shunt Jeff Rocket to safety on the other side of the needlessly complicated and highly inefficient booby trap of death. Well done sidekick. Your name is Burt. I think you’ve earned that at last. I just read it on the caption slide which talked about your capture and use as bait. Burt the sidekick has just saved Rocket Man. Burt Burt Burt.

Rocket Man unties the sidekick and tells him that he’ll give the police a description of Doctor Vulcan and ask them to hunt his ass down. Isn’t that Rocket Man’s job in this, the final chapter? Hunting down the baddy? I would’ve thought so.

Vulcan has a plan to extort a lot of money from New York City if they don’t want the place decimated. It’s too late to stop it – they find a receipt in Vulcan’s desk for one plane ticket. The hoodlum has already taken the decimator on its way to fame and fortune in the Big Apple.

Jeff phones the airline and two men answering the descriptions of evil boarded a plane earlier that day. There is only one thing for it – they’re off. To New York I think. The details were lost in the sheer amount of pluck displayed by the sidekick and the woman in their eagerness to go with Jeff.

A plane is in flight. We don’t know who is on board because the producers are obviously much more interested in just showing a plane in flight. Planes were a novelty in those days and people would gasp in awe in the same way they don’t when yet another thing pops out of the screen in 3D films nowadays.

Jeff goes to see someone important in New York. He says the police are watching every point of entry in the city and no one can get through even though he says it is almost certainly a hoax. But then a special messenger arrives with a special message.

It is a blackmail demand. Give us cash or we’ll melt your metropolis. Hugs and kisses, Vulcan.

Meanwhile, in the air, Vulcan explains to his lackey that no one will find them. They’re going to decimate New York from Fisherman’s Island – an obscure little bump off the coast. How fiendish. Obscure little bump means no donut shop which means no police which means no chance of being found. Damn.

Vulcan explains his plan using a map. He’s not going to melt the city after all – phew – he’s going to open the deep sea fault and create a tidal wave that will destroy New York. I withdraw my phew. It was premature.

Jeff is using his detector to try and detect the made up radioactivity emitted by the decimator. It has a range of 250 miles. Damn – Fisherman’s Island is 300 miles off the coast. Bugger.

The 2 o'clock deadline passes. No ransom. Therefore he switches on the decimator. It whirs with evil intent.

The sea begins to chop and grumble.

Back in the city, a tidal wave has been spotted and the ground begins to shake. They put two and two together – decimation.

Stock footage and tannoy announcements tell us that New York is being evacuated.

Jeff takes the sidekick to one side and tells him he’s going to don the flying suit and race over to Fisherman’s Island to tussle with Dr Vulcan.

Shit – New York is dropping to bits. Literally dropping to bits. Jeff may stop Dr Vulcan but the city will still be smashed into a million pieces. A pyrrhic victory if ever I saw and misspelled one.

The Statue of Liberty – the nation’s symbol of hope and ice cream – is blasted by tidal waves. This is indeed a sad day to be an American. Which I’m not so I don’t really give a crap.

There’s no getting around it – this serial is a failure. Look – New York is being flooded to death and all because Jeff King rebuilt the decimator after he’d seen proof that it was a really dangerous thing to leave lying around. He should’ve left well alone.

No amount of heroically biffing Doctor Vulcan is going to make up for all this. None. I don’t care how he hoists him by his own petard, Jeff Rocket is a failure of a human being.

Some bombers approach Fisherman’s Island to enact regime change.

Look – here are lots of people being killed as well. It gets worse.

Rocket Man flies through the window, does a forward roll and confronts Vulcan all in one movement. It’s actually quite impressive. The most impressive thing in the serial thus far.

He shoots the decimator. It explodes.

A fight breaks out.

Vulcan accidentally shoots his sidekick during the brawl. One petard down, one petard to go.

The Americans do what Americans do best – they drop bombs. Lots of bombs.

Rocket Man flies out at the last second and Vulcan is left inside the house when the Americans bomb the shit out of it.

And that’s it – the man we met earlier’s office is fine. He’s pleased even though most of New York has been destroyed and thousands of people have died. He’s chuffed because he sent the bombers which destroyed the decimator. The sidekick thinks Rocket Man deserves some credit.

Jeff and the sidekick share a joke as the man we met earlier launches into a speech about rebuilding New York City. The dumb fool doesn’t even realise that Rocket Man saved the day. Ho ho ho.

THE END~!