w/e 29th April 2006

Pop Flix is pleased to be able to deliver you a column this week after all. We may have spent the week in a foreign clime, searching the record shops of the Algarve for a copy of the special edition "Beautiful Intentions" by Melanie C, but the world of pop has still moved on in our wake, so here we are again.

We start this week with some amazing and welcome news - Queen of Pop Madge in Decent DVD shocker! As we all know, it's an Unwritten Law of Pop that all the rubbish people are allowed DVD's, but the best ones aren't. Thus there is a Blazin' Squad DVD and no less than three thousand different Genesis related 'discs', yet Madonna, with her four million top ten hits, has declined to release hardly any of her concerts. Apparently, the Re-Invention tour is due out in June though. But don't count the Peroxide Harlot's CD singles until it's actually in your hand - the Madonna world is awash with rumour and subterfuge, and we wouldn't be surprised if it's all lies la la la lies.

Elsewhere we welcome the return of...

FIDDY WATCH!

This week our favourite rapper 50 Cent is fronting a campaign to fight obesity in kids. Fid will judge a competition across 12 cities to create the most nutritious school canteen menu. We're glad that, even if Fiddy promotes gun toting shootouts and "pimping hoe's" in his musical output, he is levelling a wink at the kids and telling them to eat nice food as well. The icing on the cake (or, in fact, the dressing on the salad) is that Fiddy professes to have given up his own fast-food diet and reformed his previously unhealthy lifestyle (and I quote) "thanks to his personal chef". Yo kids in the ghetto - get a personal chef and reform your life!

Still with the Fiddy theme, and (quelle surprise!) our favourite workshy icon Michael Jackson has (kaboom!) denied all reports that he is to work with our Fid. Or perhaps he has just denied he is doing any work, something akin to a British Workman coming up to tell you he probably won't finish the job on-time or charge you a reasonable amount or do it without drinking any tea. A spokesman for the Two Seas Record Label said "We will not be making any comments as to who may or may not be working with Michael Jackson in the studio. We will not be making any announcements, nor will we be reacting to any speculation or reports in the media". But surely the very act of making the announcement that they won't be reacting to reports in the media is making a reaction to a report in the media, hmmm?

Perhaps we could try contacting elusive Jacko by séance, as they apparently did with John Lennon this week. A psychic, an audio crew and an expert in the paranormal are said to have made contact with John, who delivered the following message: "Peace... the message is peace". You mean they went to all that effort for that? It would be more believable if his message had been "feck off and leave me alone". Or some rarities.

Meanwhile Embrace have finally recorded "World At Your Feet", the new World Cup anthem that everyone has previously shown their disapproval of before it even existed. It's as you'd expect, a terrace anthem for the masses, though Pop Flix has heard of several rival recordings poised to infect the charts with rubbishness in the months to come. Justin Hawkins - you remember him - has recorded a "World War baiting" effort called simply "England" (sounds catchy; minimal but not minimalistic). He says: "Why can't we commemorate all those men who gave their lives in the name of freedom in the war? And, of course, in this case - to bash The Hun? It's a national sport.". Noble sentiments to relay to all the German supporters as they are bashed up by Brit hooligans reminded of a new reason to hate them.

The charts are dull again this week. That dreary Gnarls Berkely is still at number one, and Will Young is heading for a crap placing because he couldn't be arsed to put anything decent on any of his singles. It's not difficult - knock out a simple sandwich of a cover version, even talk for a few minutes. Anything but the same wretched remix on both CD's. The silly boy. Next week we hope for something interesting to talk about, like a brand new Michael Jackson single or the unexpected return of Babylon Zoo. Yeah we know, unlikely. He'd never even make the video.

If you're travelling like us this week, be safe and don't annoy Snoop Dogg in the gift shop, he's bound to make a scene. B*Witchya soon!