w/e 15th April  2006

Last week you'll recall that wealthy arty pop star Damon Albarn stuck the boot into as-yet-unrecorded Embrace World Cup anthem "World At Your Feet". Well this week his wealthy arty band-mate Alex James has also decided to voice how much he hates the non-existent song, suggesting the return of Fat Les, a joke that was never even funny to begin with, to rival Embrace's effort. ""Ian McCulloch's been singing 'Come on, come on, you f*cking England' to the Bryan Ferry song 'Let's Stick Together'" revealed James, whose Wigwam side-project this week entered the charts at Number 60. Oh please, tell us more, it sounds so good!

"You take the backing track from that, stick McCulloch singing 'Come on, come on, you f*cking England!' and Embrace can f*cking suck my cock." he went on. Alarmingly, I can actually hear it in my head. The arrogance of this trumped up, work-shy pop star, whose days of knocking out good songs are, to be fair, way behind him, now slating a well-intentioned track he's never even heard, beggars belief. Let's hope Embrace have a huge hit, and whatever bollocks Fat Les emerge with to rival it sinks without trace.

News reaches PopFlix this week that Norman Cook's Greatest Hits is on the way, an event so exciting we almost weed ourselves with anticipation. Zoë Ball's old man has been knocking out unlovable advert music for a few years now, although his stock has been sunk chartwise ever since he roped in Macy Gray for a track some years ago. However, and although we won't actually be purchasing the collection (which contains such well-known greats as "Wonderful Night" and "Sho Nuff" - anyone remember those? Thought not) we do applaud the moronic logic that's seen him name the set "The Greatest Hits - Why Try Harder". I mean, what does it mean? That he hasn't actually been putting any effort in? Well fair enough, but his recent non-hits perhaps send that joke right back in his slapable face. Delightfully, the accompanying DVD is called "Why Make Videos?". There ought to be more of this in pop. For example, there was a terrifying rumour recently that Natalie Umbrulia's imminent Best of will be called "Counting Down The Hits". When they release a Streets Best Of will it be called "Hits But You Know It"? How about "Independent Hits" from Destiny's Child? "Because We Want Hits" from Billie? You see the level we're at here.

Pop Lore dictates that any marriage in showbiz is bound to be on the rocks, even if it seems from the outside to be smelling of roses. Thus Madonna's regular jaunt back to America to plan her tour was reported as "fleeing" the UK to escape her horrendous family problems. This week her Father-in-law John Ritchie was unwise or misquoted when he said "It's the children that will keep them together. The Children are everything to them." That was interpreted as "confirmation" that Madge and hubby have been experiencing difficulties. The dodgy part of the story comes when he apparently says "The move back to LA has helped... they can go out each night and enjoy themselves". Pop Flix would like to know how someone with a 30 date tour to play over summer and all the attendant rehearsing, planning and hard work that entails has apparently moved to LA for a bit of fun. We smell lies la la la lies.

A dull Top 10 this week, although Pop Flix is pleased that dreary Shayne Ward is almost certainly going to miss Number 1. Ward and his identikit singles are proof positive that (i) X-Factor works correctly and (ii) the Management Teams who "take it from there" clearly don't. Ward has a voice and looks to match Will Young, and yet is thrown yet another insipid 'lighters in the air' ballad. Can the guy write? Has anyone bothered asking? If not someone must be able to pen him a decent original song. I blame the general public - if he brought out "Unchained Melody" they'd all buy it, the fools. Elsewhere everyone except Morrissey (who plummets inexplicably down the charts with "You Have Killed Me") jostles around a bit with not much else happening. Pop is dead! Bring back pop!

While Pop Flix's debates whether or not to buy the Stereophonics live album, and pauses only to compile the "Best of B*Witched" compilation, all that remains is to wish you all a Happy Easter. B*Witchya soon!