"Strangers on the Shore…!"

(yet again Sullivan adds a jocular pause and question mark after the title. It’s almost like he doesn’t give a shit.

25th December 2002



Its probably worth noting that the DVD’s of this and the other stories in what no-one calls the "millennium trilogy" look significantly higher budget than others in the series. Well, they have flashy CGI menu’s, there aren’t actually any extras or anything.

Del is working as a part time driver for Boycie to raise some money. Boycie and Marlene are actually the most entertaining characters in this, which may shed light on the culpability for certain future crimes against TV. Del can drive a fork lift truck, perfectly.

Boycie has a new business deal ready to be inked with billionaire tycoon Mr Mahmoon, which could gift Boyce Autos the franchise for "all cheap low tax cars in Europe" (whatever that means). Interestingly, we learn something about Boycie’s current wealth – early on in this episode, he dreams about becoming "a multi-millionaire". This is later amended to "a millionaire", suggesting he isn’t one already. It’s always been assumed that Boycie is near to, if not actually a millionaire already in previous episodes.

Mahmoon’s son Rasheed can’t speak English, or recognise South London after spending four days in it.

Damian reads "Gangsta Pop" magazine, can force Rodney to do things like fetch the mail by will power alone, and is still very annoying and badly acted. He still insists on saying things like "Boyashaka!" at random moments. As youths of the early twenty first century were want to do.

Some time appears to have passed since "If They Could See Us Now…!" – the Trotters debt to the Revenue is now over fifty thousand pounds and, most startlingly of all, Cassandra is suddenly pregnant. Has a year gone by for the Trotters, as it has for us? Perhaps these specials were always going to be rationed over three years, and are set as such. There is some confusing exposition about Rodney going to Harley Street and he and Cassandra trying for a baby "a year ago", but it’s not clear if this is referring to the events of the previous episode, or before. Certainly (and very confusingly) Del talks about "going round to your flat", so either he IS going back to before they were made broke, or at some point over the past year Rodney and Cassandra have moved back to their flat, then moved back into Nelson Mandela House [unlikely]. Cassandra only got pregnant because Damien hid her contraceptive pills (so did they stop trying then? It’s all very unclear! And do we really need to know anyway? Sullivan seems obsessed with continuity here)

There is a charming revisionism of Albert and Elsie’s back story – now, apparently, they "met and fell in love" during the war, married other people, then re-found each other later in life to "live out their last days together". However, this isn’t an accurate description of their relationship in older episodes – certainly Albert has seemed more interested in chasing Marlene’s mother Dora than Elsie, who has always appeared to be just a friend (see "He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Uncle"). Uncle Albert’s urn (containing his ashes) is in the flat, and later scattered at sea. Cassandra confirms here that Elsie is dead, which was implied in the previous episode.

Albert sailed on HMS Cod (!), bound for Denmark delivering military supplies, but it never made its destination, stopping off at Normandy instead when it ran aground with Albert at the helm. The crew travelled two miles into France on foot and were taken in by locals in the Nazi-occupied village of St Clare. Albert "kept himself busy" with the local women while there, and there’s even a suggestion that Mr Mahmoon is one of his descendants! George Parker served with Albert on the HMS Cod.

Trotters Independent Traders are now in the "party planning" business under Rodney’s directorship. Mickey used to run his own firm but "got probation" for his troubles [this could be a reference to any number of Mickey’s oft-mentioned business ‘ventures’, or something new].

Sid’s wife was Spanish, and he met her in 1950. Trigger has a gay cousin called Ronnie.



Monkey Harris has a consignment of Slovakian Log Fires, and Paddy the Greek has bought 150. We see the market for the first time in 6 years, and Del and Rodney are back trading on it.

Curiously few, given they’re in France.



Grant Mitchell is mentioned. Unfortunately, so is Swampie, a (very) briefly famous environmental campaigner/reality TV celebrity who everyone has now forgotten, with the result that more viewers would probably imagine that Rodney thinks Damian is green and dreadlocked.

"Flowers in the Window" by Travis plays in the Nags Head – a reference to Cassandra being pregnant, or just a coincidence?



Marlene explains Boycie’s appeal as husband material: "Yes he’s ugly, but he’s successful!"

"We’ve always been a bit telescopic"

"Who’s running this firm?"

"Oh, it’s got you puzzled as well has it?"

"One of my favourite meals is Duck a l’orange, but I don’t know how to say it in French."
"It’s canard."
"You can say that again Bruv"

"It’s like a geriatric village of the damned!"

"The way the brewery behave, you’d think they own the pub!"

"They say that diamond’s are a girls best friend… but Zirkon can be good company."

"He could be part of Al-Qaeda!"

"Does he look like he works in a furniture store?"



There aren’t going to be many of these, due to the relatively recent nature of the "Post-Dignity Trilogy", but Nabil Elouahabi (Rasheed/"Gary") played Tariq in "Eastenders", part of the doomed Ferreira family a few years later. He was the one that turned out to be someone else’s surprise son. Or something.



Del’s saucy "Miss World" apron. "Gary" is dressed in Del’s luminous silk pyjamas. We could have lived without seeing Boycie in his boxer shorts.

Del’s beret. Marlene’s hat (again)! Boycie’s hat!! Triggers hat!!! It’s like Hat Central.



The sequence in Normandy where everyone has a white beard is funny and slightly sinister, but doesn’t actually make sense. Is the implication they are all Albert’s illegitimate offspring? Even though most of them are very old men? If Albert sired a child in 1940 (say) then it would now be no older than 62. There is "‘Allo ‘Allo"-esque accordion music playing in the Duty Free shop in France.

There’s now a record seven people staying in the flat! To justify Boycie staying with the Trotters, Sullivan has to script a massive long conversation explaining why each of all the other characters couldn’t put him up instead.

"Gary" can only not walk out because Boycie happens to be wandering around with the knife, so why doesn’t he try to escape during some other night (not hard, surely?). What was he doing in Denzil’s lorry anyway, if he’s innocent? Surely he could point to a map or draw where he comes from (or write something down which the Trotters could translate). Why doesn’t he even try to converse in his native language? Is he so stupid that he really finds the Trotters behaviour that threatening?

Why do Rodney and Del go into the business meeting with Boycie at the end? Surely they’d go off looking round Paris and leave him to it, if it was that important a meeting? Pointless location footage in Paris just for a couple of establishing shots suggests license payers money to burn.



Well then. Let’s get positive first. We’ve now acclimatised to everyone looking so weathered and the series entering the ‘retro age’ ("If They Could See Us Now…!" even hauls us back to the world of the Trotters by showing a montage of clips that Joe Public would remember – the one with the blow-up dolls, the one with Batman etc. it’s only missing the shot of Del falling through the bar to make it totally post-modern). And, you know what, this isn’t bad. There are some sparkling lines of dialogue here (see Quote/Unquote) and, unlike the previous episode, there are hints of the old Sullivan plotting genius – this isn’t three unlikely set pieces glued together, but a coherent and just-about believable plot whose early stages cleverly anticipate the denouement. You could see "Gary!" becoming a playground chant at the time, which is shameless but at the same time quite canny. There are suggestions, now that we are back on the treadmill, that PERHAPS this series could find momentum again…

…however, this just becomes annoying when you remember there’s only one episode left, ever. Also, there are signs that the production is starting to turn to an unbelievable ‘showbiz sitcom’ style rather than the ‘comedy drama’ form that kept it respectable for so many years (for more proof, examine the stagey performances of the other contestants on "Goldrush" in the previous episode, and you’ll see what I mean). "Gary’s" plight is highly unlikely, and everything looks a bit… well, studio bound and, strangely, cheap.

If Sullivan was still showing signs of having lost it a bit, if the series really had to come back then this is a mildly diverting and warm hour of comedy.