"If Only They Could See Us Now…!"

25^th December 2001



The series is back! And there are new titles to boot – Uncle Albert is gone, and the other two look really, really old.

Much of the early part of this episode is taken up with a lengthy and convoluted sequence told in flashback, explaining how the series has been dragged back from its death bed, and why several deceased cast members aren’t present. Deep breath…

The Trotters have invested heavily in the "central American stock market", which has since naturally crashed, leaving them bankrupt. They have a year to pay back debts of £48,754, although conveniently Del has bought the old flat back [actually he just says he bought it, so he could be referring to a purchase before they got rich, meaning he simply never got round to selling it]. They paid for the new ‘Trotter Wing’ of Peckham General Hospital (via some dreadfully photoshopped encounters with the Queen).

Albert declined to go round the world with the family, instead moving to the coast to live with Elsie Partridge’s family (she of many previous episodes; "she cut the ribbon on stone henge", someone says here). She seems to have died before Albert.

That explains Buster Merryfield’s absence, Kenneth MacDonald had also died since "Time On Our Hands", and so Mike is said to be in prison for embezzlement after investing his life savings with the Trotters. Sid is running the Nags Head, which makes no sense at all other than to give one regular cast member another absent one’s lines.

"It’s no good looking at me with that Anne Robinson face!" (a trend of John Sullivan’s "Only Fools" writing is that he always stocks the scripts with contemporary references; there are plenty here).

"What a moby!"



Cassandra’s beret. Marlene’s funeral hat.

Actually, as this episode is still less than eight years old, everyone seems reasonably sensibly dressed.



The actor playing Damien (Ben Smith) is appalling, as are his unfunny ‘gangsta’ phrases (which unfortunately nod to the humour of the imminent and crappy "Only Fools" spin-off show "The Green, Green Grass")

It’s slightly implausible that five people now live in the Trotters flat (just how big is it?), including two married couples, one of whom is trying for a baby. Would this really be a good financial move given the bankruptcy (no-one mentions this)? Sullivan also has Cassandra pointing out the flaw in this, only to not explain it at all – she notes that her and Rodney haven’t moved into her parents house because "We’re happy here" (they don’t seem to be!).

Del refers to Rodney as "young and energetic" at one point, which is a line that sounds like it belongs in an eighties episode of "Only Fools", judging by the greying forty-something Nicholas Lyndhurst on the receiving end of it here.

The scene where Rodney and Cassandra are forced out the flat after lying about their costumes is a bit flawed – why don’t they just say the party is later? Or hide and return to the flat when Del’s gone?



Oh dear. It’s odd to recall that only five years had passed since the ‘perfect end’ of the series in 1996. After all, the three years between "Fatal Extraction" and "Heroes and Villains" did no harm. Yet, unfortunately, not only does resurrecting the series cheat the audience out of the ending they so richly deserved (and got), it also makes everyone look very, very old. Challis and Lloyd-Pack in particular look like fossils, David Jason seems to be turning into his character from "Miami Twice" (all slicked back hair and stony-faced) and Mickey Pearce looks like a rather wrinkled ferret. The problem is, there is so much to ‘wriggle out of’ to get the Trotters back to being broke and in (implausibly) the exact same flat as before, that most of this episode is taken up with explaining at length why that delightful last episode has been rendered utterly meaningless.

But let’s look at the episode itself to see if it at least stands up in its own right. Sadly, this reveals another problem. After twenty years, shockingly, the magic formula has, if not completely faded, at last seemed to rub off. Even Trigger isn’t funny any more. The leads just about manage to pull it through (although the new actor playing Damian is an embarrassment), the problem is the thing we’ve always taken for granted – the story - just isn’t strong enough. There’s less of a unifying plot than usual, so what we get is a caper at something which turns out not to be Uncle Albert’s funeral, some admittedly funny antics with Rodney and Cassandra and Del’s appearance on "Goldrush" – and even this is marred by the fact they didn’t get the rights to use "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire", so had to invent a cheap substitute at the last minute instead. There aren’t a great number of laughs either, and haven’t we had the pay-off (Del turns down a fortune at the last moment because he is sure it’s a stitch up) before? Isn’t this the ending of "To Hull And Back" given a scrub up?

Some credit is due. On its own, this is pretty funny. Everyone more or less knows what they are doing and it’s still better than "My Family". Alas, it completely pales when compared to other "Only Fools" episodes. But the worst aspect of this is not everyone looking ancient, the jokes being sparse or the plot not being that strong. It’s how the series is being exploited. I loathe the last line with a passion – "We’re the Trotters – and we’re back!". Because it’s a lie to the watching viewers. It was no secret at the time that only three new episodes were ever intended to be made, and yet this, and the new titles, encourage hope that the series is indeed starting anew. The recent deaths of two of the regulars only make the BBC seem even more irritating for not making the series with these characters when they could.

That the BBC stretched these new episodes, all ready by Christmas 2001, over the next THREE Christmases is tight-fisted beyond belief. In fact, the whole series and it’s beautiful denouement has been ‘sold out’, and for what? Three more less-funny hours, from which the BBC hoped to gain three Christmases of bumper ratings. It’d be a lie to say "If They Could See Us Now…!" isn’t at all funny - it just isn’t worth spoiling the memory of the series you love for.