"To Hull And Back"

25th December 1985

More crooks than at a shepherds convention, to coin this episode’s style of one-liners. Abdul and Boycie are plotting to exchange £50,000 for freshly cut diamonds with Mr Henrik Van Kleefe in Amsterdam. But the notes are ‘mickey mouse’ and Van Kleefe is in cahoots with one Chief Inspector Roy Slater…

This was a ninety minute special, shot all on film, broadcast on Christmas Day 1985, without a laughter track.

Rodney is preparing to let "Imogen" down gently at the start of the episode, unaware she is less bothered than he thinks she is.

Del is trying to flog £15 digital watches at the start of the episode. "None of your foreign rubbish… these are Japanese!"

We meet Roy Slater again ("May The Force Be With You") who was made Chief Inspector six months ago. He is due to retire shortly, the instruction coming "from the top"! We also meet Slater’s mum, Ruby, and discover that his Father was called Harry. He joined the police force at 18.

Corrine and Denzil are back together [which suggests either they split up after "Who’s A Pretty Boy?" or at some other point; they were together in the very last episode "As One Door Closes"] but he has made a string of promises, including not seeing Del, as part of the bargain. Denzil lists previous mistakes of Del’s that he and Corrine have counted the cost for, including the ruined wedding (never seen but mentioned in "Who’s A Pretty Boy?", a "flooded kitchen" (not an accurate description of a previous episode; a missing adventure?) and "stolen redundancy money" ("As One Door Closes"). Boycie’s business is called "Boyce Auto Sales".

Rodney has "a record for possession of cannabis" which clarifies, but doesn’t expand upon, an incident mentioned in many previous episodes. Del’s Mum gave him a pair of cufflinks. Albert was a boiler maintenance man in the Navy. Denzil listens to "West End Girls" by the Pet Shop Boys (which they managed to clear for DVD release, even though they didn’t bother with the far more important "Our House" by Crosby/Nash/Young in the "final" episode "Time On Our Hands").

The names on Slater’s notice board read:

Monkey Harris

Paddy The Greek Inside

Sunglasses Ron

Trigger Too Daft

Denzil Nervous Breakdown

Del Boy

Monkey Harris is mentioned in "The Long Legs of the Law", "No Greater Love", "The Yellow Peril" (all from series 2), "May the Force Be With You" from series 3 and "It’s Only Rock’n’Roll" from Series 4. Paddy the Greek is mentioned in "Watching The Girls Go By", also from Series 4.

The strange Vicki is behind the bar at the filmised Nags Head. She would never grace it again.

Slater’s response to hearing Rodney’s "warning sign" (supposed to be an Owl) is "sounds like a crow"!

Albert is "England’s greatest sailor since Nelson lost the armada"

There is much confusion and hilarity en route to Holland, including a great exchange about changing direction:

"Right? You mean Starboard!"

"Don’t start all that Captain Birdseye bloody cobblers with me!"

"This… sceptic isle!"

"We followed the Hull to Zebrugge ferry."

"And that’s how you ended up in Hull?"

"No, that’s how we ended up in Zebrugge!"

… something. But Del’s never allowed to finish and tell us what it was.

When the boys sail into Holland, there is a row of windmills behind them, and someone is playing an accordion in Amsterdam (and it’s exactly the bit they used for "Arc of Infinity"). Boycie says they "got through customs" but wasn’t the point of going by boat to avoid customs? Who does Mr Van Keefe ring when Del, Rodney and Albert have just left? Presumably it’s supposed to be Slater but it’s a bit silly telling him they’re "on their way" when they have the channel still to cross. Why does he wait all that time at the airport if he knows who the courier is? For some reason, the first building we see in Amsterdam is the totally irrelevant "Amsterdam Diamond Centre". Did someone see it and think "there are diamonds in the episode, that would be clever"? How does Boycie know that Uncle Albert has gone with them (and he’s surprised later after earlier pointing it out).

The plot is ingenious and full of twists and turns, the dialogue however lacks its usual sparkle, mainly consisting of unfunny one-liners of the "he’s had more flights than a sparrow", "more currents than a hot cross bun" etc. variety. And not having a laughter track gives the constant impression that all the jokes are unfunny. Despite some padding though (the chase up to Hull for example) it just about holds up as a feature film and there are some good performances going on, notably from the returning Jim Broadbent. The ending still rankles though – it’s as if the family simply can’t come out on top. The stashed diamonds and wad are a good payoff, but then the viewer is just left feeling annoyed when Del throws the money out the window.