Gina Mary Gardiner was born under the sign of the randy mule on 3 August 1970 and was immediately set to become a dance pop/Eurohouse/dance pop Euro dance pop pioneer. She started out as a DJ in Melbourne, home to Beryl Palmer and Wentworth Detention Centre. In 1992 she scored an Aussie Top 20 hit with "Live the Life".

A smash hit pop single. YESTERDAY.

Her big UK break came in 1995, when she represented the UK in the iconic but unfair cheesy European song contest known as the Eurovision Song Contest. "Ooh Ah Just A Little Bit" was a poppy delight, and Gina performed it flamboyantly if off-key, and came eighth. She would have won the competition, however not enough countries voted for her.

The song fared better in the UK Charts, and hit Number 1. Gardiner also broke the record for the number of Top of the Pops performances of the same song. She was such a regular during the year that she lobbied Pops producer Andy Millward to make "Ooh Ah" the new official theme tune of the show. He declined on both this, and Gina's idea for a new title sequence, involving her face on a spinning record.

Wig!

She struck while the iron was hot, and followed the song up with "I Belong To You" and "Fresh! (Love Theme From Polish Big Brother)". Meanwhile, "Ooh! Ah!" had effortlessly "cracked" Americee, peaking at #12 on the Billboards, #13 on the Rhythmic Top 40, #25 on the Adult Top 40 and #36 on the Contemporary Western Clergical Chart.

The hits kept coming off the now-released "Fresh!" album throughout 1997, including token Spanish-sounding single "Ti Amo" and "Gimme Some Love". The album cover, meanwhile, cannily featured her dressed only in chocolate spread and with billowing hair.

In 1998, Gina foolishly prepared the eighteenth single from "Fresh!". "This is the one we've been saving," she told Smash Hits. "This is the big one.". "Every Time I Fall" duly FLOPPED like a soggy jam sponge and has now been ERASED FROM HISTORY in her official site biography (oh yes. A sixth single? IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!)

Poor Gina then found herself locked for a hundred years in contractual limbo. At the start of her career, the naive madam signed her tits away to a manager who then insisted on writing and producing EVERYTHING on the follow-up album to "Fresh!". To make matters worse, Gina had been denied a due credit (and some cash) on "Ooh Ah!". Her record company weren't keen on these arrangements, and consequently no album emerged.

Her hands were tied, and she was musically gagged. In some ways, she was sonically raped, and so was the world, who gradually learned to live without new Gina G songs. It was hard, but we did it. Poor Gina!

Gina and two pals - you can never be too overdressed for a trip to the cinema

Gina often used to embroider a jacket for herself out of a dead leopard, then pray for a hit

The limbo crawled on for many more years. In 2000, Gardiner recorded a cover of "These Boots Are Made For Walking" but no-one noticed. Then in 2003 she appeared on short-lived pop revival show "Reborn In The USA", the purpose of which was to see who could endure the most time trapped on a bus with Leee John and Sonia's soaking pants. She would have won the series, however the general public simply didn't like her and she was voted off on Week 2.

In 2005 she crawled back to "Eurovision" with a new tune, "Flashback", but finished last even in the vote to decide who represented the UK.

Titty Von Tramp, Gina's Drag Tribute Act

Internet-only albums were clearly the way to go, and Gina pledged to personally sign every last copy of "Get Up & Dance", her new website-launched album. It was released on Stuntgirl Records.

Gina produced her new album on 2" vinyl, to easily fit in the wallets of fans

Cannily, Gina married someone rich and in 2006, launched an expensive comeback. Yet even a flash video and appearance at The Big Gay Out couldn't propel "Tonight's The Night" past #57 in the charts. Pity the G. She was last heard of pressing on with the next video, in denial that the world no longer loves her.

In 2007, disco diva P-Bal recorded a cover of "Ooh! Ahh! Just A Little Bit" in the vocodered and multiple-overdubbed style.

If your life isn't complete without the Hysteric Ego "Rahh" Mix of "Gimme Some Love", then you probably need to import this beauty from Japan.

www.ginag.com

It must be official because it takes ages to load and houses even the smallest box of simple text in a massive graphic and a host of pop-ups. The site gets a bit carried away when it states that Gina has been "guarding her morality until the time is right to either unleash her own recordings or provide other artists with the vast array of hits she has". Give them "Every Time I Fall"! It's bound to be a hit one day!

Gina today - she always looked her best for the bin man