Mandy Smith

Amanda Louise Smith was born on 17 July 1970 and became an actress, a singer and a model, but good at none of them. When she was 13, Smith began to date and then marry wrinkly ex-Rolling Stone Bill Wyman, 47. Such was the age chasm that if he'd ever become the World's Oldest Man, she'd not yet have been eligible for a State Pension. This juxtaposition of wealth and potential inheritance must have appealed, but in case anything went wrong Mandy signed to PWL at the age of 17 and became a pop star and, later, an icon. She's allergic to yeast.

SAW wrote and produced Mandy's first two singles "I Just Can't Wait" and "Positive Reaction". In addition, her unusual private life - Smith's Mother was engaged to Bill Wyman's son, which technically meant she was committing incest with herself - guaranteed press attention. "Boys and Girls" was a collaboration with famous man Daize Washbourne, and in 1988 her solo album "Mandy" was released to the world. The world, or at least the part of it not looking at her tits, shrugged.

Mandy just wasn't very talented. Her flat-sounding covers of Kylie's "Got To Be Certain" and the Human League's "Don't You Want Me" remained in the vaults for 15 years and hit-free respectively and it's not hard to see why. Smith's assets were in her videos, where she got to do aerobics in a leotard and look quite nice, but her songs, whilst being forgotten pop gems, betray a voice lost in the mix.

She would later learn to play more to her strengths and become FHM's 72nd Sexiest Woman in 1995 and "Rear of the Year" of 1994.

Various copies of the album float around Ebay, one recently changing hands for £31. There are other random oddities like 12" versions of "I Just Can't Wait" available to hunt down for those so inclined. Her ropey version of "Got To Be Certain" was recently unleashed on the PWL Gold Box Set either to perplex the 95% of people buying it for the Bananarama and Rick Astley hits or to frustrate rarity hunters desperate for more of the same.

Several people I know soiled themselves in public places when it became known that this treat was to be released, if only in the hope that it might signal a shopsward trajectory for the lost Kakko album and "The Pat and Mick Rarities Album". The track certainly signals that somebody out there secretly knows there is a market for obscure shit eighties pop, but that they are still too scared to nurture it.

Mandy soon gave up the pop star lark and became a "celebrity" instead, last being seen on the "Save Our Sex Life!" edition of Trisha in 2001. Tragically, the world didn't need Jordan in 1990, but if it had of done, she would have been Mandy instead.

Unsurprisingly, the alliance with Bill Wyman, who was theoretically old enough to be God, didn't last and she married bizarre lost Spurs footballer Pat van den Hauwe in 1993 who she then divorced. Her third husband is a lost person and in 2001 she had a son with him, Max Harrison. She lives in Sussex.