Possibly our last bit of newly inserted footage in this dreadful serial sees the runt showing the other one and the drunkard the entrance to the secret tunnel into the Lost City. Bruce has yet to be sliced in two at this point so there is still hope of a miraculous rescue.

They’ve reached the City – in time, perhaps, to pay Bruce a moving tribute while his severed limbs are still warm. And, sidebar, it’s in rather poor taste for the other one to be affecting a comedy hump behind the runt’s back.

They reach machines. The machines that power the rest of the machines in the Lost City. Hoorah – it seems there is just a spark of hope (spark – geddit?!?!)

The lights go out. On the destroyer ray. It takes a moment for Hot Pants’s brain to tell his teeth to stop celebrating.

Zolok is appalled.

Hot Pants is sent to find out what went wrong (because Zolok only seems to employ two people and one of them is a bitter, hunch-backed dwarf that despises him) and is promptly coshed from behind by the drunkard. They try to go through his pockets but realise he doesn’t have any. And if he did, he’d have cut the lining out of them (if you know what I mean).

Hot Pants sends a message to Zolok, luring him into a trap, before being gagged by the other one. This is turning into Hot Pants’s best day ever.

The plan works again – wait until your enemy walks past and then hit him very hard on the back of the head. It’s what heroes do if they’re not particularly heroic, even after converting to heroism late in life.

The girl makes a move to untie Bruce but the two black zombie giants leap (literally) into her path and groan at her.

Pops tries to intervene on her behalf, to give the situation the benefit of his experience, and he is throttled for his trouble. Some people just won’t listen to reason from the man responsible for erasing their minds and turning them into giant zombies.

Ho – in comes the runt and he, it seems, has some kind of influence over the black zombie giants. He tells them to let the Prof go and they obey.

Bruce is untied.

Zolok wakes up to find himself in a prison cell with no hope of escape. It’s what always happens to the baddies in these serials – their evil master plans go wrong at the last possible moment and they end up being killed by the very device that... or – equally impressively – they get put in a prison cell ten minutes from the end and forgotten about. That’s also good.

Wait – Zolok has a device in his pyjamas that might help. He’s over-excited. He seems drunk – he’s cackling and swaying all over the place. He activates his device. It looks like a joint.

The gang have a celebratory get together. The Prof compliments Bruce on a job well done (in what way?) and Bruce decides that they should destroy all of Zolok’s machines because an evil person did bad things with them. The Prof agrees.

The others go off to see the Prof’s short wave transmitter ("It’s very interesting") leaving Bruce and the girl to have a soppy moment. He invites her back to the outside world. She says yes.

Then he asks her to marry him. She says yes again. This time it sounds like he really ought to have taken her "yes" for granted. She sounds rather annoyed to have been asked.

They kiss. The end.

No – not quite – the other one interrupts their snog to tell Bruce that the Prof has "one of the best short wave transmitters I’ve ever seen in my life". I’m not making that up.

Bruce uses it to tell the world that everything is fine and that their wedding list is at Macy’s.

He gets through. But so does Zolok – through his cell door that is. He’s stick chuckling like a mad man. It may have been premature when Bruce said the episode was over and I snogged the girl. Or vice versa.

Seriously – that man is drunk. He’s not evil or insane – he’s drunk.

The runt gives the natives the good news that the Lost City is now safe for them to go in. They won’t be turned into black zombie giants any longer. Hooray.

Zolok is stumbling around his once evil city. Most of the doors are locked to him. He doesn’t seem to mind – the gin is keeping his spirits high.

He reaches his laboratory. This might end badly for all concerned. On the plus side, it is very likely that he’ll be hoisted by his own petard in the traditional manner within the next three minutes.

None of the machines work so he tosses a few bits of tin around the lab instead. Then he notices television and sees the runt telling the natives that they no longer need fear Zolok. He is appalled.

The Prof takes the stage and tells the natives to serve the drunkard well. He will be a good master. He could’ve told them to live their lives without servitude to a white man but he chose not to.

The runt announces he’s going back to his people. He seems to have forgotten that the Prof promised to make him big and strong. Now that he’s a goodie he’s come to terms with his deformities. Either that or he’s being passive aggressive before passive aggression had been invented.

Zolok is still messing about with machines that don’t work as the planes arrive from civilisation to take our heroes home.

The entire Magnetic Mountain explodes. Bruce was going to do that but Zolok has beaten him to it. His revenge turns out to have been suicide. Definitely drunk.

They’re fine with a mountain having just exploded a few yards away. Indeed, Bruce now considers his mission complete. He didn’t save the Prof, he didn’t shut down the machines, he didn’t free the natives, he didn’t imprison Zolok and he didn’t destroy all the evil weapons. Yup – his mission is well and truly complete. It’s just he didn’t complete any of it.

Bruce and the girl move in for the kiss and that’s your lot. What a load of absolute, irredeemable, indefensible rubbish.

THE END~!