Episode 4 of the first series, broadcast on 13th of May 1990.

Bertie’s Aunt Dahlia comes round with a little favour to ask and - when politely declined – falls back on good old fashioned blackmail to get her own way.

Gussie Fink Nottle – newt fancier and general oddball turns up to ask for advice on an affair of the heart.

Bertie’s cousin Angela has inherited all her mother’s cunning and ruthlessness and will stop at nothing to get Tuppy to back down in their row about a shark. Madeline Bassett on the other hand is best described as a "weird gawd-help-us".

Bertie on Madeline Bassett’s character

"I wouldn’t go so far as to say she actually writes poetry, Jeeves, but when a girl asks you out of a clear blue sky if you don’t think that the stars are God’s daisy chain you do begin to wonder."

Bertie on family relationships

"What is it about uncles and aunts Jeeves? With ones parents, after a few preliminary skirmishes over sago pudding and stewed rhubarb one settles into an amicable if humdrum relationship. But aunts, Jeeves! […] Look at Aunt Agatha… and Aunt Julia… and Aunt Charlotte – she’s the one who sent me that rather bitter postcard of Little Chilbury War Memorial when I refused to take her loathsome offspring to lunch on the way back to school."

"Aunt calling to aunt like mastodons bellowing across primeval swamps."

Jeeves has taken against Bertie’s white mess jacket with the brass buttons which he bought and wore in Cannes.

"I assumed it had got into your wardrobe by mistake, sir. Or else that it had been planted there by your enemies."

Bertie defends his jacket – he wore it every night in Cannes and it was a huge success.

"Beautiful women used to catch my eye."
"Presumably they thought you were a waiter, sir."

Gussie Fink Nottle arrives to see Bertie, apparently unaware that it was still the middle of the night.

"What’s the time, Jeeves?"
"Ten past nine, sir."
"Ten past nine? Is the building on fire?"
"Not that I’ve been informed, sir."

Jeeves isn’t so easily distracted and delivers his news. Mr Fink Nottle is here.

"Jeeves – I am not awake. I have not had my tea and yet you bring me Fink Nottles. Is this a time for Fink or any other kind of Nottle?"

Bertie refuses to see him and instead makes an appointment for lunch at the Drones. Just as he’s nodding off again, Aunt Dahlia bursts into his bedroom and tells him to get dressed. She’s got a little job for him.

"You’ve heard of Market Snodsbury Grammar School?"
"Never."
"It’s a grammar school in Market Snodsbury."

She wants Bertie to present the prizes. The vicar was going to do it but he’s strained a fetlock.

Bertie refuses flat out. He laughs derisively. But Aunt Dahlia is made of sterner stuff than that – if Bertie won’t do this simple little job then he’ll never darken her doors again and that means no more of Anatole’s cooking. Anatole is a peerless French chef – God’s gift to the gastric juices.

"But you have to be a frightful nib to give away prizes. When I was at school it was generally some Prime Minister or other."

Aunt Dahlia explains that at Market Snodsbury Grammar school they are rather more easily impressed than at Eton.

She explains that Uncle Tom can’t do it because she’s got to ask him for money to pay the bills of "Milady’s Boudoir" – a newspaper she runs for ladies of refinement. She’d already been given the money once but lost it at the casinos of Cannes.

Bertie knows when he’s beaten and agrees to do it. Aunt Dahlia is delighted – she tells him he’ll enjoy it.

Bertie makes his way over to the Drones and explains en route that Gussie never leaves the countryside, preferring to study newts than wile away his days in the metropolis. Needless to say, Jeeves is something of an authority on newts.

It turns out that Gussie has become enamoured of a young lady but is unable to tell her how he feels. Bertie is not at all surprised – Gussie probably hasn’t spoken to a girl in years.

"What a lesson this is to us Jeeves. In this life you can either shut yourself up in a country house and state into a newt tank or you can be a dasher with the sex. You can’t do both."
"It’s a sad reflection, sir."

But when Jeeves tells him that Gussie’s adored object is Madeline Bassett Bertie’s mood changes considerably. He knows young Madeline – and her father who fined him five pounds on Boat Race night – and considers her a perfect match for Gussie.

"He’s just the sort of chap Madeline Bassett might scoop up with a spoon."

Bertie meets Gussie at the Drones as arranged.

"I didn’t know you knew Madeline Bassett."
"I didn't – not until I met her."

They met while walking in Lincolnshire – her dog got something in his paw and Gussie came to the rescue. Life – Gussie explains – would be so much simpler if we were all newts. He demonstrates how the male newt proposes.

Oofy Prosser (seen in the background above) thinks this is the most marvellous new dance and quickly adopts it as his own cutting edge entertainment.

Gussie’s problem is that Madeline has gone to stay with some people in the country and he doesn’t know them – just that their name is Travers and they live at a place called Brinkley Court. But fear not – Bertie is here.

"They are my Aunt Daliah."

Bertie sends a telegram to Aunt Dahlia to explain Gussie’s arrival and do himself a good turn into the bargain. He tells her Gussie is well known in Lincolnshire as a giver-away of school prizes and so there is no need for him (Bertie) to come down to the countryside.

He believes Gussie simply has to be around Madeline in order for them to click but soon realises that Gussie will give off all the wrong signals if he’s seen to have a healthy appetite. He must pine with love for her so he sends Gussie a telegram advising him to lay off the sausages.

That done, Bertie can get on with asking Jeeves what he’s doing. The man explains the pile on his left is for repair and the pile in front of him is for discarding.

Trouble is brewing – it’s Bertie’s white mess jacket with the brass buttons.

More trouble is brewing – Aunt Dahlia sends a telegram saying that Bertie is a louse and worm and must present himself at Brinkley as soon as possible. She adds that Tuppy and Angela have broken off their engagement.

This clinches it – Bertie will go to Brinkley at the first opportunity.

"Life is full of sadness, Jeeves."
"Yes sir."
"Still, there it is."

Bertie arrives at Brinkley and after a quick word with a frosty Angela he goes to see Aunt Dahlia. Anatole is there and whets Bertie appetite in no time at all.

Aunt Dahlia explains that Uncle Tom has had a demand from the income tax people for an additional fifty quid and swears he’s ruined. If it wasn’t for Anatole’s cooking he probably wouldn’t bother to carry on. Tuppy and Angela’s falling out may well finish the old fellow off and it is all over a shark. Angela was aquaplaning in Cannes when a shark went for her. She was telling the story with girlish excitement when Tuppy poured water on it by saying it was probably a flat fish wanting to play. Completely harmless. Love’s young dream apparently died there and then.

But Tuppy has a different side to the story. He was just getting a little of his own back after Angela had made a most offensive remark about how he shouldn’t "always be thinking about food." This gives Bertie an idea – if Tuppy put on a bit of a show about not eating at dinner then Angela would quickly get the message that he was heart broken. Tuppy reluctantly agrees to the scheme. Though in his opinion what Angela needs most is a kick in the pants. Bertie is appalled.

"One is shocked. One raises the eye brows."

To make Tuppy feel a little better about sacrificing his dinner, Bertie suggests he go down in the night and raid the larder. Mmm – larder.

After his bath, Bertie hears a "psst" noise and finds Gussie Fink-Nottle angrily trying to grab his attention. He’s cross about having the prize giving shoved off onto him. But Bertie soon convinces him that Madeline will be blown over by Gussie the orator. On stage with hundreds of eyes on him, Gussie will be the centre of attention, the man of the hour, an impressive god-like figure that no woman could resist.

He’s dressing for dinner and asks Jeeves for his white mess jacket. Jeeves forgot to pack it and is appalled to hear that Bertie didn’t – it is in the other wardrobe.

He outlines his plan re Tuppy’s dinner and Jeeves merely says "Indeed sir."

"Jeeves, you have a way of saying ‘Indeed sir’ which gives the impression that it is only a feudal sense of what is fitting which prevents you from substituting the words ‘Sez you’."

Aunt Dahlia isn’t impressed by the jacket and isn’t in the mood for Bertie remonstrating with her.

"Tut."
"What did you say?"
"I said ‘tut’."
"Say it again and I’ll biff you where you stand."

Bertie has a plan to save Aunt Dahlia’s magazine. She will refuse her dinner and Uncle Tom will rally round and say "Dahlia darling – is anything the matter?" Aunt Dahlia is so impressed with the scheme that she assumes it was Jeeves’s idea. To recap – that’s Tuppy, Gussie and Dahlia all refusing their dinner. It is not the Wooster way to do things by halves.

Over dinner, Uncle Tom rants about income tax and how the government will have them all begging in the streets while course after course is waved away by those under Bertie’s advisement.

Meanwhile, down in the kitchen, the food coming back untested is causing Anatole more than a little distress.

Distress turns to anger when the main course comes back in tact. He rages in the kitchen, smashing plates and scaring the servants.

Upstairs, Bertie is explaining phase 2 of his plan to Gussie. Bertie will take Madeline for a walk in the gardens and soften her up. Then Gussie turns up and pours his heart out, letting her know that his is a lonely life and he is in need of company.

"You spend your evenings pacing the meadows with a heavy tread."
"I generally sit indoors and listen to the wireless."
"No you don’t – you pace the meadows with a heavy tread."

He advises Gussie to have a couple of quick ones first. To Bertie’s shock Gussie says he doesn’t drink. I don’t think the idea has ever occurred to Bertie that a man may choose not to drink.

In another room he finds that things have not begun to warm up yet between Tuppy and Angela.

In the gardens, Bertie babbles away to Madeline about aching hearts and she suddenly comes over all theatrical and begs him to stop.

"Don’t say any more, Bertie."
"No, right… I wasn’t going to actually."

Then Madeline announces that she knows what he’s talking about. She suspect in Cannes that Bertie was in love with her and now here he is proposing in such a wonderfully roundabout way. Bertie is staggered.

Fortunately she turns him down – her heart belongs to another. Bertie pretends to be distraught but regains his balance long enough to ascertain that it is in fact Gussie Fink-Nottle with whom she is in love.

"Wow" he exclaims and then covers his exuberance by saying he must go and write an urgent letter. He gives Gussie his cue and leaves the love birds alone to seal the deal.

Back at the House, Bertie finds Tuppy is in no mood to chat as Angela has not yet come running. Elsewhere, Aunt Dahlia is in an even worse mood. Anatole has given notice and her world is crumbling around her.

"This is a nasty jar for us all".
"The only nasty jar there is is the one I’m going to put your remains in."

Alas, the hat trick of failure is completed when he finds Gussie crying in the garden. When the critical moment came he funked it and instead of proposing marriage he gibbered about newts until Madeline went back indoors.

Bertie goes to bed determined to think of a way out of everyone’s predicaments.

Tuppy has also gone to bed but he’s just waiting out the hours until he can sneak downstairs and help himself to a liberal portion of steak and kidney pie.

Eventually the time comes and he sneaks down in the dark. He treads on a squeaky board but fortunately doesn’t wake Uncle Tom (who has taken to sleeping with a rifle in case of burglars).

He reaches the larder and it is heaven.

He helps himself to a good sized meal… and a final apple just to keep things healthy.

Aunt Dahlia has had the same idea and is creeping down for some grub. What she doesn’t know is that Anatole has crept downstairs in the gap between the recent Tuppy and the lady of the house to collect his knives from the kitchen before he leaves.

She puts the light on and startles the knife wielding Anatole. This in turn gives Aunt Dahlia the wrong impression.

She screams and the household is woken up. The lights go on and Tuppy is caught with his midnight feast (most of which is now all over the stairs).

"I should’ve told you mama, Mr Glossop always likes to have three or four good meals during the night. It helps keep him going till breakfast."

Aunt Dahlia spots Tom with his gun. He shoves it off onto Gussie who in turn offloads it clumsily to Bertie.

It sort of goes off and blasts a chandelier from its moorings.

"This is all your fault, Wooster."
"Me? What have I done?"

Aunt Dahlia tells Jeeves to pack Bertie’s bags and he is sent from Brinkley Court in disgrace.

As half of a two part story (though there is nothing so crude as a "To be continued…" caption) Jeeves doesn’t come to the rescue until next week.

It is the first half of an adaptation of the novel "Right Ho, Jeeves".

The chaps in the Drones sing "Forty Seven Ginger Headed Sailors" while doing the newt-proposal dance Gussie accidentally invented.

The first novel adaptation and it is an absolute corker. The adaptation is very clever because it feels like a complete episode and you only realise it was the first of two next week when everything is sorted out. It builds up like a classic farce and the end is where the curtain would drop - at the hilarious climax. The viewer doesn't feel cheated in the slightest despite the minor role played by Jeeves in this episode. It is Bertie's hour and he screws everything up wonderfully. These two-part novel adaptations were the absolute best Jeeves and Wooster episodes and it is sad that they dropped them in favour of very rushed one episode adaptations, increasingly embellished short stories or even (gasp) original story lines.