Flash Gordon's Trip to Mars

Wooh – a new thing. Instead of static caption cards, they have a man in front of a screen using some kind of alien version of Power Point.

IT GETS BETTER~! They have cartoons too.

Earth is in peril thanks to a LAMP??

And in what sense were they "about to destroy the Nitron lamp"? They had literally just discovered from which planet the beam was coming. It’s hardly the final reel of an episode of "The A Team".

The beam hits the rocket ship and it spirals out of control, surely destined for destruction. Thankfully they survive. Flash gives a garbled explanation – that the ray gun knocked them out of the beam – but I’m not convinced. Flash and his team are dead until I get conclusive proof that they survived.

Ok – Ming’s seen them and recognised the ship. That’s enough for me. Now I must turn my thoughts to why Ming has an arrow on the top of his head. Is it perchance an "Evil words this way" sign?

You’ll note something a bit weird here. Ming is dressed in black indoors (because he’s evil) but once he’s outdoors (on the surface of Mars) he’s all in white.

I don’t think this is a continuity error – I think it is a sincere attempt to be scientifically accurate.

The Ming and Queen examine an object that has fallen from the skies. It is part of the ship Flash stole from Ming when he escaped from Mongo. Ming explains Flash Gordon to the Queen and she agrees he must be destroyed.

Another wacky alien salute. Put that in your albums, children.

Ming orders his rocket ship to be flown to "the valley of desolation". Of greater interest are the little cardboard wings which Azura’s soldiers wear on their hats.

Meanwhile, aboard Flash’s rocket ship, Zarkov announces that they’re going to crash. Flash pulls a funny face.

They do crash but everyone is fine.

A bunch of soldiers get out of Ming’s rocket ship and go to look at Flash’s. Flash takes the chance to run somewhere.

Three crack troops, yesterday.

A fight breaks out.

The Queen hears the fight and looks for help. Rather oddly, she spies Ming standing in the middle of nowhere, looking back and forth as if he’s no idea where he is.

Flash thinks he has captured the Queen of Magic.

Then realises he hasn’t.

Flash uses his gun to convince the kidnapped soldier to take off in the rocket ship. He nearly runs Ming over in his haste.

Flash orders the rocket ship to land near where Zarkov, Dale and Happy are hiding.

Ming spies them and orders his posse to run after them. A chase ensues.

Flash goes looking for explosives leaving Happy to guard the pilot. Rather strangely, Flash tells him "Keep an eye on our boyfriend here".

Happy does a good job.

Another fight breaks out.

The pilot jumps out of the door while the ship is in flight. But apparently Martians can fly. Who knew?

Oh no! Ming and Azura have launched a whole fleet of Martian rocket ships.

The rocket ships open fire but Flash is read for them. He opens a porthole and starts shooting back with his revolver. But what can one hand gun do against a fleet of rocket ships?

Oh. Apparently quite a lot as Flash has managed to hit one of the men of the fleet.

Another bullet, another ship goes down.

Queen Azura gets a message from her flight commander.

He says that Flash’s rocket ship is heading for the domain of the Clay People. To follow would be certain death. Azura tells him not to be a wuss and to follow them. He agrees. Mmmmm – she’s feisty.