Feel the Rhythm! Eurovision 2006



EUROVISION 2006 Part Quatre From Poland it’s off to sunnier climbs, and possibly the home of fine port, Portugal…
PORTUGAL (SF) Non-Stop - “Coisas De Nada” Portugal lost the Eurovision thread a long time back, and it seems that it’s really frayed now. This billingual bop along has shades of motown in it, but pretty much in the same way a Pot Noodle has shades of real food. This will not make the final, but marvel at their Girls Aloud gone wrong look in the semis.
ROMANIA Mihai Traitorous - “Tornero” Romania came close to victory last year, and actually won the semi-final with their screamy Ruby Wax look-a-like. This little disco bouncer sounds remarkably similar to the Maltese entry, which might harm its chances, but the bookies have put it down as one of the favourites to clench victory on the night. It does have more than a passing resemblance to their third placed “Let Me Try”, but the lack of a fierce pair of lady tats might go against them. He’s got a very big set of curls on his head though.
RUSSIA (SF) Dima Bilan - “Never Let You Go” Dima is a Russian twink who, should you visit official site, will quite happily show you his bush and the start of his man meat. Something the UK’s Daz has gladly decided not to do. The song is a mid-tempo number with the lyric “love’s carving it in the stone” sounding remarkably like “love stabbing it in their hole” thanks to his dodgy diction. This should make the final, but I doubt it will trouble the pole position.
SLOVENIA (SF) Anžej Dežan - “Mr Nobody” Anzej looks like a teen wolf. Depending on whether he peroxides his hair up again, he’ll either be a gay disco wolf or standard werewolf. “Mr Nobody” starts slow, before the much loved drum machine crashes in for victory. Well almost. His dancing takes some believing, bless, and I’d like to see it make the final. Very similar to Romania and Malta, mind. They’re both sung by men too.
SPAIN Las Ketchup - “Bloody Mary” Bloody awful. Last year’s sub-Las Ketchup effort was sung by three tuneless old hags, giving Spain a fantastic 21^st place, just above Queen Of Rats, Javine. This year they’re hoping for victory with the genuine article, who are three slightly younger tuneless old hags. Awful folks. Truly awful.
SWEDEN (SF) Carola - “Invincible” I loved last year’s Swedish entry Martin Stenmarck quite a bit. Not least because he was a rugged brunette in leather. Anyway. Carola is a veteran old bag from Sweden - she came third the first time she did it in the early eighties, and squeezed a victory in 1991 with “Fangad Av En Stormvind”. She’s a big fan of God, I mean who isn’t?, and apparently believes gayers can be cured by the power of prayer. Which is nice. The song itself is very typical Swedish ABBA-esque sounding pop which I have a deep suspicion will do very well for them. I hope she drops the rubbish flag routine though.
SWITZERLAND Six4One “If We All Give A Little” If you were an evil genius creating the ultimate Eurovision entry, what would you do? After calling Cheryl Baker that is. You would get six strong vocalists culled from different European nations. Get them to sing a song about peace and goodness and generally being nice to everybody written by a veteran Eurovision songwriter. Make them all wear white and look meaningful. Switzerland are that evil genius, and that is what they have done. It’s convoluted, but loveable, especially the video of everybody helping each other out - carrying shopping for old people, buying Rachel Stevens CDs and such like. It opens the proceedings on Saturday 20^th, but I think it might be a tad too obvious to close them as well.
TURKEY (SF) Sibel Tüzün - “Superstar” Turkey are shady dealers at Eurovision, and always one to watch out for. I didn’t see Sertab’s victory coming in 2003, and I didn’t see their song in 2004 turning into such a success. Last year I knew it was cack, and so did the voters apparently. This is an old school disco number with a tinge of rock, which I have an inkling will do quite well for Turkey.
UKRAINE (SF) Tina Karol - “Show Me Your Love” I’m gutted that this song has undertaken a re-write from it’s original title of “I’m Your Queen”. Do they not understand the fans of Eurovision? It’s a sprightly number, and given the Ukraine’s shakey fortunes at Eurovision (14^th, winner, 19^th) it’s desperately hard to predict how they’ll fare. I say it won’t come top, but it won’t be at the bottom either. That’s decidedly on the fence of me. So bite me blondie.
UNITED KINGDOM Daz Sampson - “Teenage Life” I was convinced that Antony Losta Costa was going to win our pre-selection show. His performance was dismal, and Mr Chav Daz won through much to my horror. There’s been some positive reaction from European folk on message boards, but in a kind of “nice that the UK’s trying something different.” Note the word “different” and not “good”. I’d like to think this could storm the top ten, but I fear it’s more likely to cling to the top fifteen. Prove me wrong though by all means!
I shall return one final time with an indispensable quick-look guide to the semi-final and final shortly!