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EUROVISION 2006 Part Deux |
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Severina - “Moja Stikla” This is rubbish. I disliked last year’s Croatian entry too. My grandparents are going to Croatia for holiday, so I hope the country is nice. This will probably get a translation of some sort for the night, which is a hope of salvation for this messy, shouty, folk infused pee stain. She’s a good looking lass, for people who vote for that kind of malarky, and her tatties are easily found on the world wide web thanks to a video which leaked on the web of Severina tupping someone else’s husband.
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Annette Artani - “Why Angels Cry” Because they heard this lame ballad, that’s why. Last time Cyprus entered a ballad like this was in 2004, when English Barbra Streisand/Sam Fox hybrid Lisa Andreas creamed in plenty of votes. There will be big support in the hall for this track, and the customary twelve points from the Greek jury, so I would be surprised if this doesn’t make the final. It’s the sort of song you’d expect Anastacia to sing. Make of that what you will mes eleves.
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Sidsel Ben Semmane - “Twist Of Love” Denmark made a good return to form last year, with the jaunty Talking To You, and have kept the up tempo vibe for their song this year. It’s a sort of fifties retro rock thing which is in equal measures annoying and catchy. It’s a little like “Mickey”, if that’s any judgement. Sidsel (yes, that must be a real name) is an odd looking beast, reminiscent of the UK’s very own entrant Emma, from the year of 1990.
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Sandra Oxenryd - “Through My Window” The intro to this one totally rips off ABBA’s “Does
Your Mother Know”, but we’ll gloss over that little fact. This is much
like the 2002 Estonian entry from Sahlene, and I hope Sandra also employs
a cowboy hat as part of her stage apparel. There is also the inclusion of
one of my favourite pop music tricks - the church bells. Hear them bing
bong bang for the final choruses. Yes, P-Bal loves this and hopes it goes
big in the hall! |
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Lordi - “Hard Rock Hallelujah” Lordi are an established rock act prone to wearing
Halloween monster masks on stage as part of their hard’n’scary act. Their
make-up is going to take them about three hours according to their press
release, which is still three hours short of how long it’ll take to make
the Greek entry look glam. The song will definitely stand out in the
crowd, much like Norway’s did last year with their Darkness infused entry,
but it won’t have the universal appeal to win. |
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Virginie Pouchin - “Il Etait Temps” Traditionally the British don’t like the French. If you are British and dislike the French, then rejoice in the fact their entry is trash. It’s repetitive and dull trash at that. What makes this even worse is the fact that they were granted extra time to prepare a song after their original choice “Vous C’est Nous” was deemed not right for Virginie’s talents. This dirge apparently was. Expect a lowly placing in the final.
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Elena Ristevska - “Ninananjna” This little ditty is a bit bizarre because I don’t have
an overwhelming opinion on it. It’s quite a way in the middle - it’s not
Earth shattering, but it’s not awful either. It’s perhaps archetypal of
Eurovision now - ethnic sounding, but complete with an old school mad
sounding title. |
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Texas Lightning - “No No Never” Texas Lightning managed to overcome the power of Dame
Vicky Leandros (winner in 72) to secure their position as the German
entrant. They stormed to victory and I have a huge amount of love for
this. It’s a country flavoured tune with the guys wearing cowboy hats and
the leading old woman jauntily swinging her long skirt in an almost dance
routine. Were I an expert in such things, I’d say this will do well for
Germany and secure them at least a top ten placing. |
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Anna Vissi - “Everything” Vissi was old when the Universe was young. Some say
that she is older than even time itself. Millions of years old if that
were possible. The Vissi has done Eurovision twice before, once for Greece
and once for her native Cyprus. The bookies have made this a runaway
favourite, the third year in a row for Greece. I think this shouty old
ballad will be top five, but I hope it’s not the winner. Because I like it
like I like a hot poker in the ass. Which isn’t a lot folks. If you
weren’t sure. |
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Silvia Night - “Congratulations” Silvia wins the award of Icon Of Eurovision 2006 by a
country mile. The whole song sounds like a kind of funked up version of
Britney’s “Oops!”, but with lyrics which are all about how brilliant
Silvia is. She even calls God halfway through to ask “What’s up dog?”.
Sadly, owing to reasons of family viewing, the mighty lyric “the vote is
in, I f***ing win” has been altered, but her drag queen costumes and
joyous song surely must clear her a path to the final! |
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I shall return…. |
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