|
Here it
comes again, in the words of pop misery Melanie Jane Chisholm. Saturday
21st May, 8.00pm on BBC1. What u ask? Why, the fiftieth, yes FIFTIETH,
Eurovision Song Contest. Does it get any easier to predict a winner? No.
Quite frankly.
As with last year, there is a semi-final (BBC3, Thursday 19th May, 8.00pm)
where twenty-five countries will battle it out for the remaining ten
places in Saturday’s grand final. The grand final already has fourteen
countries made up from the top ten most popular songs and the so-called
“big four” who pay the most money - that’s France, Germany, Spain and the
United Kingdom (thank goodness!). As ever with Eurovision, things are so
hard to properly predict from the CD versions - after seeing Ruslana’s
live performance in the semi-final I was convinced she was the winner, as
she ultimately was, with my other chief suspect being the second placed
Serbia & Montenegro. Anyway, some songs are remixed, relanguaged(!) and
“performed” differently on the night, but here are my views on the runners
and riders, complete with Ladbrokes’ current betting on them! I have also,
just to get the flavour of my musical tastes, awarded my points
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,10 & 12 to ten lucky songs!
 ALBANIA
LEDINA CELO
“Tomorrow I Go”
(40/1)
I actually really like this one. It’s a sprightly number with a good line
in strings and rock guitar, and Ledina has a very distinctive voice.
Albania did well last year and I think they could do well again this time,
provided the internal squabbles don’t prevent them from withdrawing
altogether!
 ANDORRA
MARIAN VAN DE WAL
“La Mirada Interior”
(100/1)
Last year Andorra received 12 points. All from Spain. Nothing suspicious
in that. Still singing in their native tongue, the canny folk have adopted
the tried and tested formula of going for a slow, but rhythmical grower. I
think it’s a goody, not Jade, and would like to see them through to the
final. But I think there’s a possibility it will get lost in the pack with
some more memorable songs surrounding it in the semi-final. And apparently
lady tune has deserted Marian in rehearsals.
 AUSTRIA
GLOBAL KRYNER
“Y Asi”
(50/1)
Camp as Christmas. And a row of tents. And David Beckham. All together.
It’s jaunty and joysome, and something you shouldn’t like. I mean there’s
yodelling in it. And they look a fright in their costumes. But in an
ironic post modern way, obviously, it’s a delight. Crap, but it will make
you smile.
 BELARUS
ANGELICA AGURBASH
“Love Me Tonight”
(25/1)
The Belrussian song last year was one which was good on CD, but poop in
performance. The more experienced Cher-a-like Angelica will give a
spirited and memorable performance (one way or another) which I would like
to think will see them through to their first final. But I’m not convinced
that it’s a winner.
 BELGIUM
NUNO RESENDE
“Le Grand Soir”
(80/1)
Belgium were a thoroughly modern mystery last year. Horsefaced lads mag
tatties flasher Xandee had a storming dance anthem, and was a pre-contest
favourite, but finished second from bottom. This year they have an ugly
bloke singing a dull ballad in French. So points from France and Monaco,
but I really don’t expect this to crawl into the final.
 BOSNIA
& HERZEGOVINA
FEMINNEM
“Call Me”
(20/1)
This song is, amazingly, about the 50th anniversary of Eurovision, amongst
other things. It’s a retro sounding number, I’m trying to avoid saying
ABBA-esque, but the vocals are bad on the studio version, so I can’t see
them turning Mimi on the night. But they’re young lasses, there are key
changes and it’s all very clappable, so I think it’ll do well
 BULGARIA
KAFFE
“Lorraine”
(100/1)
First time in the contest, and they’ve decided to make a bold statement
with a dull chap singing a dull old ballad. Three minutes can be a long
time. It won’t make the final, but my tip is to buy land in Bulgaria as
it’s apparently a blossoming holiday destination. Can’t recommend the
music though.
 CROATIA
BORIS NOVKOVIC featuring LADO MEMBERS
“Vukovi Umiro Sami”
(40/1)
Not sure what Lado Members are. Maybe it’s a Croatian way of discussing
labia and cock? Anyway, this owes much to Serbia & Montenegro’s runner-up
from last year. With quite a few “mystical” tunes doing the rounds this
year, this will either sink or swim. But with it’s Balkan neighbours to
help in the voting, I think it’s a cert to make it through to the final.
 CYPRUS
CONSTANTINOS CHRISTOFOROU
“Ela Ela”
(20/1)
It’s a bit like a the Tesco Value version of Sakis Rouvas’s Tesco’s Finest
Greek entry from last year. It’s all tits, pits and hip shaking, but
probably not enough to win. I should imagine it will steer easily into the
top ten though.
 DENMARK
JAKOB SVEISTRUP
“Talking To You”
(40/1)
Denmark have been on a cruel slide since 2001, and should have made the
final in 2004. This year the jury’s still (literally) out on this one.
It’s mid-tempo, not unlikeable, but at the same time it’s not going to set
the world on fire. It has the slow intro, build, key changes and
harmonies, which is all very pleasant. I wish them well. I would rather
The Olsen Brothers had been chosen with Little Yellow Radio, but I would
say that.
 ESTONIA
SUNTRIBE
“Let’s Get Loud”
(25/1)
It’s a cheery and tuneless affair. They were represented by some tone deaf
wenches on a hen night last year, and are hoping this will return them to
winning form. It won’t.
 FINLAND
GEIR RONNING
“Why”
(50/1)
Finland were absolutely rubbish last year, thanks to a porker with
trousers too tight which rather obscenely showed off his meat stick. This
year they’re rubbish again thanks to a growly chap with a dull ballad. And
he’s no eye candy. Another year of semi-final only for the Finnish folk I
suspect.
 FRANCE
ORTAL
“Chacun Pense A Soi”
(33/1)
They have amazingly gone up tempo, and found a singer who looks remarkably
like a distant relative of Kate O’Mara. In other words she’s a little cat
like. The song is poo though. She’s performing last on the night, but I
think this will be another year of no victory for France. Monaco will give
them 12 points though.
 GERMANY
GRACIA
“Run And Hide”
(50/1)
They’ve got Melanie C appearing on their Eurovision coverage, and methinks
it is but a matter of years before she can be lured into entering for them
on the promise of a pork pie, pint of Stella and some party rings. Anyway,
Gracia is a sub-Avril Lavigne slice of death which I think is terrible,
but very likely to get a big score from Turkey.
 GREECE
HELENA PAPRIZOU
“My Number One”
(2/1F)
This is, apart from Miss Hylton of course, my fave song in the whole
contest. It’s pacey, summery, she’s a good looking laydee and she can sing
really well too. So really she should storm to pole position. The bookies
agree and have made her the pre-contest favourite. Greece have, strangely,
never come higher than 3rd, and infact Helena came third as part of
Antique for Greece in 2001. Eurovision is so damn unpredictable that it
almost makes me think that this is such a sure-fire winner that it won’t.
Logic isn’t necessary with this event.
 HUNGARY
NOX
“Forogj Vilag”
(3/1)
They’ve got strong neighbourly connections for the voting, a breezy and
bright song with non-nonsensical lyrics and mystical instrumentation.
It’ll destroy the voting, provided the laydee sings in tune. Expect it to
be top five with ease!
 ICELAND
SELMA
“If I Had Your Love”
(12/1)
She’s the Gina G of Iceland - a slightly too old disco diva who was robbed
of Euro victory before. For the record she was runner-up in ‘99 with the
ironically titled All Out Of Luck. Anyway, this little chanson, with it’s
speed up, slow down and Toxic vibe is one of my favourites, and she’ll
definitely come up with the goods performance wise. So fingers crossed
this girl will be right up in the top five! She’s currently playing a
musical orange on Icelandic TV by the way.
 IRELAND
DONNA AND JOE
“Love?”
(40/1)
Poor Ireland. Their fall from Eurovision royalty has been spectacular, and
only were saved from nil points for their Brian McFadden penned ditty last
year by some very friendly UK voting. This is sung by a muntastically ugly
brother and sister duo who prove that lightening does strike twice, and
has undergone several remixes because they’re not happy with it. Abysmal,
really. Or, in a word, Jemini.
To be continued... |
