Has it really been so long since Flash, Dale, Zarkov and the new character who served no purpose and whose name we’ve already forgotten returned to Earth in triumph? Well yes it is. Things move on – Saturday mornings at the pictures wouldn’t be half as exciting without a thrill packed serial to while away twenty minutes. In the absence of the serial that was supposed to come next (it’s a short story which I could lengthen but the nub of it is that the disc was faulty and a promised replacement never arrived) I present to you a big screen epic, a titanic clash of good verses evil featuring…

You know you’re in for a bad time when the villain gets top billing. And what a villain – that man has evil tattooed across his face. More or less.

I’m guessing this must be our hero because he doesn’t look evil.

This man could go either way – he looks dense enough to be a loveable good guy but speed – in its many forms – is illegal and he may be a brash villain who wears his villainy on his birth certificate.

Well obviously he’s in it – he’s in every other bloody serial.

Our first and only woman – she looks terrified.

Ye gods – two of them. That’s four ankles to sprain.

With a cast like that, who needs a story? Let’s plunge head first into Chapter One –

Darkness outside a public building. A man auditions for a part in a better movie.

He shoots a man as he gets out of his car.

A policeman blows his whistle.

Lots of people show up to have a looksy.

Bob Wayne – now established as our hero – arrives in his car and gets filled in by the copper.

Bob Wayne is on first name terms with the Governor.

The murdered man is a top criminologist who was aiding the Governor in his investigations into the mysterious Doctor Satan.

The Gov – a beacon of sunshine and optimism – tells Bob that he wants him to know certain things and he’d rather say them to his face rather than wait and let Bob read them in his will. "Let me reminisce a little" says the happy-go-lucky politician as Bob sits back and inwardly groans.

It’s a good tale – the Gov grew up on a ranch and had a best friend called Smith (not his real name). Smith went over to the dark side of the rails and started calling himself "The Copperhead". He was an outlaw and general ruffian. The Gov’s only memento of the time is the very mask the Copperhead wore during his reign.

But what has this got to do with Bob Wayne, soon to be the hero of a popular dramatic serial? Bob is pleased to learn that the Copperhead was his father.

Bob is feeling a little down. The Governor consoles him by repainting the Copperhead as a righter of wrongs – a man who didn’t let the law and the order get in the way of doing unto others. "Why if the Copperhead were alive today he’d run Doctor Satan to Earth before he could strike another blow." Hmmmmm. An idea has struck me.

And a moment later it strikes Bob Wayne.

Oh no – the gun man has snuck in to the Governor’s office.

He’s brought a note from Dr Satan.

A note which bursts into flames after being read.

He shoots the old man dead.

Bob Wayne runs in and is appalled. A fight breaks out.

The fight goes on for a while and ends with him threatening to throw the baddie off the roof.

The baddie gives up and confesses that he didn’t want to kill anyone – Dr Satan made him do it. His words are recorded on some kind of early recording device that I don’t understand.

At the police station two reporters turn up. "Speed" is a reporter apparently – which makes him a good egg in the days before tabloid filth – and so is the startled woman we saw in the opening credits.

The police interrogate the murderer. He gets his orders from Dr Satan through his "control disc". He opens his shirt and shows us.

Good god – a robot. A real live robot.

Dr Satan hears that his lackey has been grabbed by the rozzers and uses his fiendish technology to evesdrop.

Satan – not wishing to remain in the background – speaks theough the control disc and tells them they cannot stop him.

His lackey is toast.

Dr Satan needs a control unit from a man called Scott (who happens to be the female hack’s father) and is going to intercept him on his way to Capital City.

Scott is on a train with police protection but Dr Satan is in the next compartment. Bob and Speed race in Speed’s sports car to try and catch up with the train.

Dr Satan pours something chemical into the air ventilation system.

It is hard to know if these two have been overwhelmed with poisonous fumes or are just enjoying their cigars.

The car pulls up alongside the train and Bob Wayne makes a heroic jump.

He makes it. Yay. He’s already better than Commando Cody.

Bob is knocking on Scott’s door and Dr Satan cleverly plays for time by telling him he can come in "in a moment".

Dr Satan pretends to be Scott and Bob Wayne spills his beans. He cleverly keeps the ruse going until attracting suspicion by pulling out his gun and telling Wayne he is in fact Dr Satan.

Dr Satan shoots Bob with a poisoned dart.

But wait! Bob’s not dead. Dr Satan swore he would be dead before they left the room and yet here he is, them out of the room and all, getting up like nothing has happened.

Why, the dart embedded itself in the Copperhead’s mask. What a stroke of luck. It’s almost an omen.

Dr Satan’s henchman gets Scott’s briefcase from the safe. It’s an almost perfect plan so far.

But the Copperhead vaults athletically into the carraiage and a fight breaks out.

They both fall from the train but continue fighting. One of them wins. We don’t know which one.

It turns out that Bob won. Dr Satan is not happy that the briefcase was taken and a small copper snake was left in the hand of his unconscious henchman.

Scott has apparently escaped unharmed and is back home with his daughter – the brunette – and his secretary – the blonde.

He’s delighted to get his briefcase back. It comes with a note from the Copperhead.

Scott shows Bob his safe. It is electrified and will surely be enough to protect the secret plans from the attentions of Dr Satan. There is literally no way this can’t be a good idea.

Scott returns to his study some time later and finds Dr Satan waiting for him.

He refuses to give Dr Satan his plans.

Dr Satan says he’s wired up some explosives which will blow his daughter up when her yacht reaches a certain speed.

Someone has tied the blonde woman up. Given her attire I’m guessing it was a kinky girlfriend.

Good lord – she’s riding a horse using only her teeth.

Scott gives in and opens his safe. Dr Satan gets his hands on the plans.

But lo! The Copperhead intervenes and takes them back again.

Dr Satan pretends to make a phone call but in reality has a plan involving a plug socket.

He plunges the room into darkness and makes his escape.

He tries to grab the plans from the safe but Scott’s patented electrified security system blows up, brillianly destroying everything in the safe.

Dr Satan is unconscious – only he can stop Scott’s daughter from being killed. What a thundering nuisance.

I get it now – Scott’s invention was a remote control device and they are testing it by remotely controlling a boat. Satan’s henchmen have control of the control device and will make the boat go so fast that the bomb goes off.

The boat is getting faster and faster. Somewhere, Keanu Reeves’s grandfather is taking notes.

The Copperhead pinches a speed boat and races out to the yacht.

He climbs aboard and rescues everyone.

But Miss Scott wasn’t on the bridge so he has to go down to the radio room to find her.

The boat explodes. Not even a copper mask will stop that blast. Bob’s dead and only fourteen weeks short of his target. Sad.