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 So, children, you will remember that we left Dick Tracy about to plough into a huge metal boat as his small plastic boat’s steering had gone wonky. There are three possible outcomes. (1) He jumped from the boat at the last moment and wasn’t killed, (2) he managed to swerve the boat, bounce off the ship’s hull and wasn’t killed or (3) he was killed.
The answer is (4) his steering just started working again and he wasn’t killed. Look – the paramilitary wing of the Village People.
Dick is rescued. Yet again he blunders into trouble and has to be rescued at the tax payer’s expense. At least he managed to get the engraver out of the hands of the Spider Ring. We have to give him credit for that. Otherwise the Spider Ring would've gone on an engraving rampage and no cup, trophy or shield would be safe.
Meanwhile, in an unnamed building, someone is unwrapping a pistol.
Some men check the gun for fingerprints and… we never find out what they find out. I think it was just an excuse to put some cutting edge science on the screen. It’s like watching CSI:Stoneage. Meanwhile, in Dick’s office, some other men have been gathered together. Dick sits everyone down and asks the first man – a railroad manager – to tell them a story. Fuck me – a clips show.
Dick has heard the man’s story and come to an important conclusion – the head of the Spider Ring is a lame man. Yowza. Watch this serial with some plasters to hand because Dick Tracy is so sharp you might cut yourself.
The next witness is a milk man.
He saw this happen in chapter 1.
Dick himself tells us about this man’s demise. Dick’s had his second revelation – there is a spider mark projected onto the victims’ heads shortly before death. That sure sounds like a pattern to me.
Ace – the return of the cigar chomping bumpkin with the goldmine for sale.
Hooray – some new material. Booo – it’s
only the idiot being scared by a spider (that’s not dirt on the film) just
as Dick is explaining that the mark of the spider links all the
Dick thinks it’s very funny.
The last witness is a phone engineer who, for some reason, is able to tell Dick about the operation Molloch performed on Gordon Tracy to turn him into the sinister Gordon Tracy. I wonder if this will be the moment Dick realises that the man who looks like his brother actually is his brother?
Yup – this proves it. Dick really didn’t know his brother was on the Lame One’s side. Dick is officially a moron.
The woman is appalled.
They hear a clomping sound coming from the corridor outside. Is the Lame One really about to call on Dick and the rest of Team Dick?
Steve is appalled.
The phone guy is appalled.
The woman is (still) appalled.
The train guy is appalled.
The milk man is appalled.
The small boy is appalled.
The idiot doesn’t realise what is happening and is therefore quite calm.
The Lame One fiddles with some dials…
…the lights go out…
…and the mark of the Spider is projected onto Dick’s face.
Some gun shots later and Dick’s as dead as everyone (except the bumpkin) who received the mark of the Spider.
The last twenty seconds actually saved an otherwise cheap and pointless episode. I was going to do two chapters this week to make up for the clip show but that cliffhanger was good and I’m going to make you suffer.
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