Signings are funny things. A lot of Big Finish CD's I've only bought because I went to the relevant signing and was required to make a purchase. Now, you see, you can't get into these things unless you spend some money, and often only if you spend a certain AMOUNT of money or buy a SPECIFIC thing. It seems bizarre to hunt the signature first and then to have to fork out for a product to pay for it. Shouldn't it be the other way round?

Not that I'm disappointed I had to buy "Doctor Who and the Pirates". Although it's not the sort of release I'd prioritise (whimsical, oddball, clever postmodern title) I ended up enjoying it in just the way (I suspect) was intended, and an engaging, jolly couple of nights was spent listening to it. But it probably marked the exact point I gave up going to signings, and the reason why. Consequently, my purchase of Big Finish tailed off to nothing after that. Ironically, the enforced reason for buying them had gone, so I didn't bother. Not much of a marketing strategy.

The day wasn't even marred by an unpleasant event, like the time we went to meet Peter Davison and get "Spare Parts" signed. A friend of mine was ordered to buy a CD he'd already pre-ordered, because an expensive photograph sold to him by the event organisers themselves wasn't enough. Another time we were heckled and taunted by one of the shop-owners at the Geoffrey Bayldon signing because we merely wanted to take a personal photo (like everyone else was doing). But the "Doctor Who and the Pirates" signing wasn't bad in this way. It just a very long, very tortuous day.

It was one of those occasions where the quantity of the guests, rather than perhaps the scarcity, was the attraction to fans. As well as an impressive host of actors from that month's "Talons" DVD release, just about everyone involved in the making of "Pirates" was lined up on a long table and armed with heavy-duty black marker pens. The queue was astronomical, and it took over four hours to reach the front. We sat there, backs aching and brows sweltering in the heat of dingy Barking Shopping Centre, and I remember asking myself "why?". I don't care for signatures - with all respect to the artists in question, Jaqueline Rayner's scrawl on my CD sleeve is not going to make it valuable, neither was it going to remind me of either a pleasant day or my magical meeting with the writer. After four hours, I was more desperate for a cup of tea than anything. So why was I doing it? From then on, I realised I didn't have an answer.

A few weeks later, we went to see Madonna at HMV in Oxford Street. We had to queue for an awfully long time, but still for not as long as it took to fleetingly meet Jac Rayner and Nick Pegg. My copy of "Doctor Who and the Pirates" resembles a graffiti-strewn wall, it has that many signatures on. But all it reminds me of is waiting, waiting and more waiting. And how cynical it has all gotten.

The sad thing is, I do miss it. I miss giggling with my friends, and the thrill of catching sight of a real life Doctor Who star in the flesh. And for some reason I really miss buying a Doctor Who CD over the counter, rather than punching my credit card details into a web site. But these things are not well-organised, or in the least bit accommodating. Something as simple as a free cup of tea every hour wouldn't seem like a liberty after spending all that money in the shop. But it was really after Madonna became more accessible than the jolly Big Finish crew that I realised I couldn't do it again.

CD Facts

Part 1 - Tracks 1-7

Part 2 - Tracks 8-14

Part 3 - Tracks 1-14

Part 4 - Tracks 15-21