In a weird, alternate dimension, Doctor Who never got cancelled, the New Adventures were on TV, and in 1993 for Comic Relief we got "The Dark Flame" as a hilarious spoof adventure.

That this is the work of a practised, professional writer is inconceivable. That might bite, but this is such a trawl through clichés that it can only either be the work of an over-enthusiastic twelve year old or a disastrously botched attempt to produce the ultimate in traditionalism (oddly with a cast never seen in 'traditional' Who). Like "Meglos", you could produce a shopping list of roots, tracing every aspect of this story back to where it was nicked from. Ancient powerful skull = "Image of the Fendahl", misguided scientist and forgotten cult =.... well, it all falls apart there, because no-one has attempted to be this generic for quite some time. Is it a joke, Daisy K?

A joke, yes! It's got to be, hasn't it? A walking cadaver, characters flung into cells, captures, escapes... yet where are the punchlines? The knowing nods and humour? There's a strong suspicion that nobody in this knows that it's a joke. McCoy certainly doesn't, gurning and shouting his way through a particularly bad script as if cursing the day he ever got lumbered with acting as a profession. In one memorable moment, he even takes time to roll an 'r' in the middle of a scream of terror!

There was a feeling, before first listening to "Dark Flame" that something so traditional couldn't possibly fail; people tend to dislike these things, sure, but at least they prove reliable. And to be fair, "The Dark Flame" remains a stranger to pretension and (largely) isn't dull either. But willingness to listen soon evaporates when it proves itself so depressingly predictable. When Lomar, unfortunately played so blandly by Hannah Smith that her character is frequently easily confused with Lisa Bowerman's, declares herself a traitor in the cliffhanger to part 2, it's only natural that she should do it in the most obvious, flamboyant way possible by declaring grandly "I too am a member of the cult of the Dark Flame!". But it's also obvious about five minutes before-hand, when one sees the lines of the writer's logic as if the plot were made of tissue-paper. As with the cliffhanger to Part 3 (and even this episode is traditionally uneventful!), the only thing left to occur is a threat, and there's only one person left to pose it. "The Dark Flame". Even the title sounds like it was dreamed up for a "The Curse of Fatal Death" type enterprise.

I'm actually boring myself having to write about this one, such is the stunning lack of innovation that swamps this cosy, bungled, atrociously acted CD. It's like Doctor Who you wrote before you could grow a beard - unhateable, unlovable, and often not even that laughable.

CD Facts

Part 1 - Tracks 1-7

Part 2 - Tracks 8-14

Part 3 - Tracks 1-8

Part 4 - Tracks 9-16