In my head, "The One Doctor" aired as a TV Movie on Christmas Day. Big Finish must have somehow acquired the rights to make TV Doctor Who, although this prospect alone is fairly terrifying so we'll gloss over it. Whatever happened, we came to be watching "The One Doctor" as a lavish BBC production between "Only Fools and Horses" and the Christmas Jonathan Creek, just after the remains of pulled crackers and uneaten vegetables had been cleared away.

Colin looks the same as he did in 1986, so this might actually be 1986, except his costume has additional Christmassy elements, a green and red trim around the lapels perhaps, and little Rudolph's on his necktie. Everyone else looks like they should do. Thanks to the wonders of budget-cost CGI, we can for the first time see practically a whole planet of cheering people as the Doctor and Mel arrive on a plateau overlooking the planet Generios in Episode 1, and when the real invaders arrive, we can see a huge, black, sky-size flying saucer. It's all a bit Douglas-Adamsy actually, which is no bad thing. A cross between Labyrinth and "Life, The Universe and Everything" with a bit of Crackerjack thrown in for good measure. Christopher Biggins is done up like Mr Popplewick in "The Ultimate Foe", all exaggerated Edwardian frock coat and sideburns. My sister recognises Sally-Ann from Grange Hill.

I've heard that they tried to get Liza Tarbuck, but she was busy. Initially this seems like an idea baked in stupidity because the eventual one-two between Banto and Sally-Ann worked so well, recalling Shirna and Vorg in "Carnival of Monsters", which reminds me that in fact Claire Buckfield was dressed almost exactly like Cheryl Hall was in that earlier story. But Tarbuck would in fact have been even better, a sort of ogre-like wife beating Banto around the head with her handbag, thus truly throwing the traditional Doctor Who stereotype into grim, inaccurate parody. Buckfield is good, but she's almost a little too good, a flapping girl pretending to be a flapping girl. But never mind, we have the last laugh. We don't see a "Linda Green" Christmas Special on this year.

Dad loves the Portaloo, but unfortunately it all gets a bit TOO Douglas Adamsy in Episode 3. After the amusing Weakest Link escapade, easily realised in a darkened studio, I want to hide under a cushion when Nicholas Pegg lumbers on in his Jelloid costume. Somehow the fact that it's Christmas doesn't make this any more palatable! Fan fiction, and this is very much fiction lovingly written by fans, treads a wobbly line you see. "The One Doctor" is best when lightly mocking the lead characters of the Doctor and Mel, for example when the Doctor gets delusions of megalomania whilst playing Monopoly or tries to make Mentos guess the wishes he made over his 900th birthday cake. It has a cosy, 1970's feel to it, and in fact now that I think back we may even having been watching something called "Multi Coloured Swapshop" the morning before this was on, even though I've never seen it. Part of the spirit of "The One Doctor" was born in the pages of Doctor Who Weekly and mornings making up stories about things called the Mantelli, who even get a mention. It even robs from that cosiest of long-past stories "The Chase" for the episode with the Smash Robot things in. Is it just a coincidence that Banto proclaims it a "dead planet" when he arrives with Mel, or a little homage to Uncle Terry?

But the line does wobble, making it tricky to pin down. Big singing Jelly monsters, quests involving furniture construction and the laboured gag about Mel's Christmas Show... none of them went down well in our house. Dad made a noise like a grumbly engine and moved to switch over to ITV. Mum's eyes might have started to close. I could hear the writers laughing. Still, these moments were few and far between, and most of the time I was laughing with them. Or, at least, smiling. "The One Doctor" is like an "Echoes of the Protii" that EVERYONE thinks is funny.

Too funny for Doctor Who, then. And too big for a couple of CD's. A thing of beauty, in my head, "The One Doctor" was beating out from every TV set in the land, at a time when Doctor Who really was big enough to laugh at itself.

CD Facts

Part 1 - Tracks 1-8

Part 2 - Tracks 9-17

Part 3 - Tracks 1-9

Part 4 - Tracks 10-15