By Kinggodzillak

An Introduction to Space:1999

What is Space:1999, I hear you ask? Well, let's take a look at the series two opening titles for a thorough explanation of the story so far.

There you go - simple.

OK, maybe a bit more detail. By the year 1999, humanity has established a base on the lunar surface - Moonbase Alpha. It's mainly a scientific research place, with an orbiting spacedock from which probes to distant planets are launched. At the time of the first episode, Breakaway, one such probe is nearly ready for launch, bound for the rogue planet Meta, which is transmitting some sort of interesting signal which is causing interest to the boffins on Alpha. However, there is a problem, and that problem is that about a dozen or so people, including the astronauts who were to have piloted the Meta probe, are coming down with some terrible brain disease which makes their eyes go white and their faces go all shrivelly. I would put a picture here except I've always found those scenes bloody creepy, so I won't. Brr.

Anyway, as more and more people die from this disease, the authorities on Earth obviously blame Phillip Madoc, as you would, and he is promptly sacked from his position as Commander of Moonbase Alpha. Enter Martin Landau as new Commander John Koenig, who quickly sets about trying to solve the mystery, with the help of resident scientist Victor Bergman and resident emotionless whispering lady Dr Helena Russell.

It doesn't take long for them to realise the problem - nuclear waste being brought up from Earth and dumped on the far side of the Moon (cos we can do that in the fantabulous future of 1999, you know) is throwing off lots of magnetic energy, which is killing the astronauts who fly over the nuclear waste dumps quite a lot. After one dump finally goes up in a nice fireball, it is decided to remove the waste from the second (much larger) dump and spread it out over the lunar surface to avoid a horrific disaster.

The operation fails. Everything goes boom. The waste dumps, the ships assigned to remove the waste, the Meta probe, and even the space dock are all destroyed in the resulting explosions. See, the force of the explosion is enough to push the Moon out of Earth orbit - not to bring it crashing down on our heads, as you might expect, but rather to propel it out into the solar system, and then out of the solar system, with the 300 or so residents of Moonbase Alpha trapped on board...

That was how it all started for our heroes. And yes, I know that an explosion with enough power to force the Moon out of Earth orbit would have simply destroyed it, it's all so scientifically inaccurate, yadda yadda yadda. Except I get the feeling that the writers knew that. Heck, in the third episode has a scene where Bergman pretty much says that the entire premise of the series is beyond all probability. There are little hints in a handful episodes to suggest that the things that happened to the Alphans were for some great purpose that they were as yet unaware of. Yes, it all sounds very pompous, but if you can't be pompous when wearing flared pyjamas, when can you be?

Having met God in the third episode (She lives in a black hole, you know), the Alphans then drifted through space for another 21 episodes. During that time, they were experimented on by Brian Blessed and Peter Cushing, threatened by Julian Glover and Peter Bowles, and shot at by Leo McKern and Kevin Stoney. But at least Christopher Lee was nice to them. He gave them an egg, and it might even have been one of his own.

Not only did the Alphans have to contend with such nasty people, but they also had to struggle to survive life in deep space, with the main themes of the series being death, madness, death, madness and death. The expendable background types in particular had a hard time of it, but they never quite succumbed to the 'redshirt' syndrome of Star Trek. You got to know these one-off characters more than you ever did poor old Ensign Deadmeat, whose promising Starfleet career would always end up with him being zapped into a pile of ash on some distant planet, with Bones standing over him saying "He's dead, Jim!" (Nah, ya think?) and the Shat replying "His...father and I...were old friends, he...taught...me, atheacademy." Then something rubbery would wander into shot and the Shat would somehow manage to throw his entire body at it, whilst the music went "dah dah dah dah dah dah daaaaaah dah dah dah dah!" and Kirk would end up getting his shirt torn enough to expose that manly chest of his, and then Spock would despatch his attacker with the Vulcan nerve pinch even though you always wondered why he didn't do that earlier. Oh, and then they'd call up the Enterprise, but Scotty still canna change the laws of physics, so Kirk and co have to find the source of the power drain, which would always be some big machine that looked after some idiot natives who couldn't live without it, except that once Kirk had destroyed it and explained to them about kissing and sex they didn't seem particularly bothered anyway.

What? Oh, um...yes, somehow the writers were able to make these one-off characters likable. You woke up with them. You saw them give their wife a good morning kiss and then have breakfast, so that by the time they've been turned into a heat-sucking vampire or into dinner for a flesh-eating octopus monster or Joan Collins, you feel rather sorry for them. Would you want to be eaten by Joan Collins? Thought not.

Anyway, at the end of the first series the Alphans had found the origins of life on Earth on a distant planet, with two of their number remaining behind to attempt to bring the planet back to life. The programme itself was deemed worthy of a second series, but as the original production team had got the show this far, clearly they knew nothing about anything at all, and things could be made much better by getting an American producer. Specifically, Fred Freiberger, one who had killed every series he had ever come into contact with, and who would kill a few more after this one. I don't know that Freddy's orders were to 'Trekify' the series, but it seems likely. Probably the main reason for hiring him was that he was the producer on the final series of Star Trek, where he oversaw the production of such classic episodes as that one where Spock got his brain stolen by dumb blondes, and...um...

It's probably a safe bet to say 'that one where the computer rules over some natives', isn't it? Mmm.

Other American improvements to the series included getting rid of half the cast and slashing the budget. Suddenly, huge huge sets where legendary actors could deliver great speeches were gone, and small cupboards where hammy actors could deliver the most appalling dialogue ever were in. They even got rid of Prentis Hancock - clearly, things were out of control. By the time the second series reached screens, it had almost become a parallel-universe version of what it used to be. Action-adventure tales were the order of the day. Forget any philosophical junk, the Americans don't want that. What do they want?

MONSTERS! There's no point telling you what episode this fine fellow is from, since they could only ever afford the one monster costume and just kept reusing it week after week, hoping that no-one would notice it if they stuck horns on it...then took the horns away again...then put them back on...and so on, into infinity.

The sacking of half the cast seems the most drastic change, to me - particularly as there was no explanation, the thinking apparently being 'No-one'll notice'. They were just gone, and that was it. Losing Prentis Hancock would have been enough to cripple a lesser series, but the biggest loss here was Barry Morse's Professor Bergman. Originally the resident scientist who seemed to have nothing better to do, he soon became the series resident philosopher, and...um...he was just really good, alright?

So - with him gone, there's need for a new science officer, to be played by an actor or actress every bit Barry's equal.

I don't know if The Adventurer was on some sort of repeat run at the time or if it was just coincidence, but Barry's replacement was Catherine Schell, so that was good. Not as Professor Bergman, obviously, because that would have been weird, but as Maya, a sideburned alien from the planet Psychon. She had the power of 'molecular transformation', which meant that she could turn herself into anything alive, handy for a scriptwriter who'd written himself into a corner and needed some magic way to resolve everything. Kind of like the way Russell T Davies does Doctor Who now, 'xcept not as self-consciously smug. But I suppose it's hard to be smug when you've got six foot of rubber dinosaur throwing stuntmen around.

It's probably fairly obvious by now (isn't it? I can't be bothered to check) that this guide is going to focus exclusively on the second season of the series. Why is that? Well...it's a goofy sci-fi series with rubber monsters and terrible dialogue and mad plots and horrible acting. It's everything the first season wasn't, and I would rather write a guide for a terrible show that features an alien monster getting whacked in the nuts with a fire extinguisher and staggering off-screen with a very audible cry of "Oh, f***!" than I would a very good series with very little to mock.

Enough talk - let's meet the gang!