The Visitation

“The Tereleptils Of Doom”, “Mace Ventura – Wet Detective”, “The Visit”

“The One With The Big Fire At The End” (USA) “The One With The B** F*** At The End” (Canada) “Doctor Who and Nyssa’s Giant Vibrator” (The Philippines)

The Doctor finds an alien race plotting to take over the Earth, but they’re so crap he isn’t really interested.

*** - A classic episode, featuring Peter Davison showing his full range, from confused and perturbed to perturbed and confused.

“Fuck me, it’s Tristan Farnon dressed as a poof” (a local resident’s comment that was picked up by the boom mike on location and accidentally transmitted in episode two)

"I have appeared before some of the most hostile audiences in the world. Today I met death in a cellar. But I have never been so afraid until I met the man with the pants"

Richard Mace was played by Michael Robbins, Michael Robinson, Robin Michaels or Robin Michaelson depending on which newspaper or listings magazine you were reading in 1982.

London actually did have a fire in 1666 according to historical records. And it was started by an unnamed blonde who locals swore used to be a vet.

This story features the last appearance of the sonic screwdriver until the sonic screwdriver returned in a later story. Not counting the various devices which worked like the sonic screwdriver but weren't called sonic screwdrivers.

Scientists have proven (with graphs) that the Doctor shows more remorse at the destruction of the sonic screwdriver than he did when Adric was blown into little pieces until he was totally dead. Which turns out to have been the right way to play it as no one at home laughed when the sonic screwdriver was blown up.

A photographic session for the Radio Times was cancelled when the photographer - new to the job - refused to go back to 1666 unless the BBC insured him against third party damage, fire or plague.

Sarah Sutton was given the vibrating machine as a gift when shooting concluded. She keeps it in a cupboard at home… most of the time. She has the highest electricity bills and the biggest smile in the village.

Episode two's end credits were mistakenly transmitted without any vowels in them. The continuity announcer hastily covered for this by adding them orally over the end music. Sadly, this was misconstrued as masturbating in the booth and he was given a dishonourable discharge from the Corporation. Which is ironic considering.

...is that there are worse places to be than Heathrow Airport.

Si Hunt

I’ve never actually travelled in time but I have been accused of being a plague carrier. It started out as a perfectly normal cold and, no sooner had I demanded to see the doctor because I almost certainly had a rare tropical disease which only looked and sounded like a cold, than an irresponsible rumour that I had a rare tropical disease began to spread around the village. Do people have nothing better to do? By the time I got back to Brent Towers there was already a crude cross painted on the front door and small fires had been lit on the lawn to deter visitors. The locals began wearing scarves over their faces when I went past (which pleased me enormously as I cannot abide ugly people who aren’t published) and kept pushing me in the pond to "cleanse" me (which didn’t please me enormously as tweed absorbs a surprising amount of water given half the chance). By the time Doctor Flapjack was able to post a notice on the church door that I was not in fact infectious, the locals had decided that they liked treating me this way and they continued to hide their faces and push me in the duck pond until I hired mercenaries to accompany me too and from the shops. It was definitely more than just a cold though.  

"What other historical events did the Doctor visit or cause?" asked chirpy fanzine ‘The Time, The Mace’. Over the next six issues they published their readers’ suggestions. These included:

World War I
World War II
Henry VIII
Capitalism
The invention of the wireless
Watergate
The 1966 World Cup final
Elvis Presley’s 1969 comeback special
The disappearance of the princes in the Tower
The invention of Rugby
The first time a man wore a top hat in public
The extinction of the dinosaurs (this entry was postmarked a day before the transmission of Earthshock)
The unveiling of the new Tudor rose
The sinking of the Titanic
The debut of Coronation Street
The day the Earth stood still
The year 2000
November 23rd 1963 (early evening)
The assassination of President Kennedy
The day "Marco Polo" was incinerated
His own birth
His own death
His first regeneration
Gallifrey

There was no winner as it wasn’t technically a competition. This didn’t stop a flood of angry letters from readers who thought their entry was good enough to win a video cassette.