Kinda

“Doctor Who In A Thought Provoking Parable About Ego And The Self”, “Doctor Who’s Big Rubbery One”

“The One With The Future Cast Of UKPD Blue” (USA), “Never Say Nerys Again” (South Wales)

Tegan is possessed by the spirit of the Mara, an ancient evil that manifests itself as a snake. The Doctor wins, but at a cost – Tegan is saved.

*** - A hugely realistic alien menace is ruined by a lightweight and boring plot.

Peter Davison’s original reply to “An apple a day, keeps the Doctor away” was “Ah, but an apple by any other name would taste as juicy.” It was deleted at the behest of Nerys Hughes, who found it offensive.

"Straight-down-the-line pants, that's what this situation needs"

The Mara was originally going to be represented as a giant scorpion but Janet Fielding interfered with the script in the hope that a huge, terrifying pink snake might have an important psychological effect on Sarah Sutton.

Sarah Sutton was absent for most of this story owing to her being in court at the time. She was charged with impersonating a scientist after blagging her way on to Tomorrows World via a raft of technobabble. She was found not guilty when the judge discovered that it wasn’t actually a criminal offence. He added a note to the effect that, were it illegal, she would be as guilty as hell.

JNT had to personally advise Peter Davison that his new hairstyle – bunches – wasn’t suitable for the role and would have to be restricted to weekends and bank holidays only. Davison was paid an ex gratia payment of twenty pounds for any inconvenience.

Matthew Waterhouse made a bet with Adrian Mills that he could slip the word ‘bugger’ into the story without it being edited out. Waterhouse lost the bet and had to do a forfeit. Mills chose that Waterhouse should become old and fat and unemployed before the decade was out.

This story was filmed on location at BBC Television Centre.

Nerys Hughes insisted everyone on set call her ma’am except JNT who had permission to call her Lady Hughes.

...is that weird pop singers should stick to singing weird pop songs.

Si Hunt

I was about to start work on a monograph concerning the authorship of Story 5Y and felt under an inexplicable duty to purchase and listen to a Kate B-u-s-h recording in the interest of thoroughness. It was my duty to listen to the record before explaining why I didn’t like it. I went to the local record shop and asked for it by name. "I’d like a Kate B-u-s-h record please" I said. He was deliberately unhelpful and kept asking me which one I wanted. I tried to explain that I didn’t really want any of them but he couldn’t grasp this fairly simple concept. I tried describing an album to him but he wouldn’t stop going on about "titles" and things. In the end I suggested he show me all the Kate B-u-s-h records they had in stock and I would pick one at random. I think I must’ve chosen a faulty one as it made the most terrible, inhuman noise when I put it on my record player. I would’ve taken it back for a refund but I couldn’t face another trip to that singularly unhelpful outlet. I discretely described her music as "tricky to obtain" in my monograph and hurried on to much more interesting matters.

Reaction in the fan press was confused to say the least. Editorial after editorial bemoaned that they had no idea what Kinda was all about. Then the editor of "Hoots Monarch" announced that he’d figured it all out using publicity photographs, his audiotape recordings and a book of teach-yourself-philosophy. He offered the knowledge to one lucky reader in a competition. The winner would be allowed to come round to his house and listen for not more than fifteen minutes to an explanation of what Kinda was trying to say. The competition was won by a ringer from the rival "Mandrel United" who splashed the news over the front page. "Kinda" he began, "is telling us that we must always crush the native population and any hocus pocus they may try is to be brazened out using British pluck and pith helmets. Basically, it is proof that the British Empire was right and that natives are not to be trusted. Especially the women. And the men."