The Horns of Nimon

"Soldeed and Thanks For all the Fish", "Ellis in Wonderland", "Bull Ship"

“The One with the Horny Monsters" (USA), "Doktor Som og okseMennene" (Norwegianland)

Doctor Who finds himself involved in a web of classical studies and pantomime.

*** - it has wit you could cut with a knife.

The Doctor: "You know, K9, sometimes I think I'm wasted, just rushing around the universe saving planets from destruction. With a talent like mine, I might have been a great universe in my own right."

"Have you noticed how people's intellectual curiosity declines sharply the moment they start waving pants about?"

When asked about the famous rip in his trousers the actor Malcolm Terris simply remarked "actually I prefer them that way" and pointed downwards.

Elements of this story are borrowed from the ancient classics, more specifically a tale called "The Time Monster".

The peculiar noises made by the Tardis early in the story were entirely accidental. Lalla Ward was listening to an episode of the Goons in her Winnebago and left the window open.

The original title of this adventure was "The Hoards of Nimon" but this was felt to give away the big plot twist. They compromised initially on "The Hoards of Simon" (tricking the audience into thinking Simon Gipps-Kent (Seth) would bring his entire family in en masse to save the day) before going with the now infamous "The Horns of Simon" and almost getting the show cancelled.

This story marks the final use of the original theme tune, the diamond logo and Tom Baker's original personality tube.

Richard Dawkins called this story "utterly landmarkable" because it proved that the universe is a pretty robust place when the Baker-Crowden scenes didn't puncture it fatally.

...is that you should never assume that just because you've only met one member of a generic alien race that he won't have friends about to come along and overwhelm you.

Si Hunt

Back in 1983, the BBC's long running "magazine" programme, "Blue Peter", did a feature on the "Doctor Who" exhibition at "Longleat". After a lengthy correspondence (147 letters - 146 of mine and one from them) I was persuaded to agree to be interviewed for the report. Janet Ellis - the newest presenter at that time - told me she had been told by the producers to take me to the centre of the famous maze wherein the interview would be conducted. I did suggest I be filmed amongst the main exhibit but they were insistent. I've never pretended to understand ordinary people so I agreed with their request and merely put in a formal letter of complaint to the BBC board of governors.

There must've been a breakdown in communication (typical of the BBC under Mrs Thatcher <g>) and no map was provided for myself and Miss Ellis (not married). Nevertheless, it wasn't beyond us to find our way to the middle of a paltry maze and we set out at noon with a small packet of sandwiches and a list of fascinating technical questions. I don't know if I got a touch of the sun or if prolonged exposure to a female addled my ordinarily sensible brain but eight hours later we were still lost amidst the incarcerating hedges of the maze. Eventually a well meaning man on an elevated plinth guided us out and we were reunited with the production team. I had expected them to shout at Miss Ellis (unmarried) for wasting eight hours of valuable production time and forcing a reshoot the next day (for the light had almost completely gone). To my surprise they thanked her warmly and made no such arrangements for a reshoot. I went home assuming they were going to invite me to Television Centre in the near future to do a falsified report in studio using the chromakey process. But not even that. To my horror the report went out as planned - Simon Groom and Peter Duncan interviewed Jeremy Bentham and some Marquis or other before doing some poorly conceived running around with monsters chasing after them. There was no mention of myself or Miss Ellis (who had children out of wedlock). To this day I cannot understand why such incompetence went unpunished. I would've expected Ellis and at least one production team member to have been sacked. I said as much in my next letter to the BBC board of governors but I never got a reply. At least I can draw a witty parallel with the events of Story 5L and make my acquaintances roar. Jeremy Bentham roars more than most and winks at people whenever I tell the story. He must be going a bit peculiar.

Nothing divides Doctor Who fans as much as "Horns of Nimon". Angela Biffin (writing in "Skonon Skonos - So Good They Named It Twice") says "Love and Monsters was without a doubt the lowest point in Doctor Who's entire history - childish, inconsistent and dirty, it served only to make me embarrassed, my mother embarrassed and everything I've ever loved embarrassed". Ok, so nothing apart from "Love and Monsters" divides Doctor Who fans as much as "Horns of Nimon". Martin Biffyn (writing in "Seth of a Dalesman") wrote "John Nathan Turner was a visionary producer whose ability to tap into the mood of popular entertainment meant that the series was constantly provided with a plethora of well-lit guest stars". All right, nothing apart from "Love and Monsters" and John Nathan Turner divides Doctor Who fans as much as "Horns of Nimon". Simon Byffin (writing in "Crowden House") observed "Sylvester McCoy's performance..." Oh I give up. Everything divides Doctor Who fans.