
The Power of Kroll

"The Key to Time Story Quattro", “Kroll Out
the Barrel", "Doctor Who and Swampie"

“The One with the Super Size Calamari” (USA), “Atomic
Squid Monster Attacks Tokyo” (Japan)

Doctor Who visits a
swamp and finds the fifth segment of the Key to Time.

*** - Obviously made in
a weird parallel universe where the equation "Holmes+Madoc=Quality"
does not apply.

Romanana: "Emotional
Insulation is usually indic... emotional insulation is usually
indicative of... emotional insulation usually means the polarity of the
neutron flow has been reversed"
Director: "Mary,
you're not Jon Pertwee."
Mary: "Drat. Could I
sellotape the lines to Tom's forehead?"
Director: "No - his
fringe will get in the way."

Thawn: "The pants
are far too soft. Once they start interfering, you can never get rid of
them."

Kroll was modelled on
Tom Baker's ego as it appeared to the designer in a dream.
David Hasselhoff doubled
for Tom Baker in some of the external scenes as the location filming was
done in his personal swamp and the BBC couldn't afford to pay him actual
money.
Kroll was intended to be
the biggest monster in Doctor Who history and only succeeded in remaining
so because Colin Baker didn't start to put on weight until after the Twin
Dilemma.
There is an outtake
where John Leeson, forgetting for a moment that he was playing Dugeen
rather than K9, attempts to hump Mary Tamm's leg. At least he claims he
forgot...
The BBC have already put
an emergency plan into place that will immediately withdraw this story
from circulation if green skinned aliens ever visit Earth. Or earlier if
anyone ever figures out that the Swampies are basically technicolor
Africans straight from a Tarzan movie.
It was only during the
making of Kroll that the production team had the idea for the "Key To
Time" arc. All references in earlier stories were either added in post
production or were pure coincidence.
Science has proven that
the higher the price bid on eBay, the lower the feedback rating of the
seller. This suggests that Doctor Who fans will only pay big money for
this story if there is a substantial doubt that they will ever receive it.

...is that you shouldn't
base your economic survival on the flatulence of a sea monster.

Si Hunt

"In an attempt to
achieve something called 'nirvana', Ian Devine purchased a floatation
tank. Every morning, straight after breakfast, he would clamber into the
contraption, close the hatch, and simply float in the warm darkness. Then,
after perhaps ten minutes, his extraordinary wind would make the
atmosphere unbreathable and he would have to be resuscitated by the local
coastguard. They were grateful for the work (seeing as how Bendaton is a
long way from the sea) but we all recognised that this couldn't go on. To
that end Ian Devine purchased a length of rubber tubing which he would
insert and which would carry away the excess gasses. We soon realised that
this could be a potentially valuable source of fuel and, after some small
technical investments, his flatulence was covering the entire cost of
running the heated floatation tank. It was a truly marvellous example of
what ghastly people in non-sensible suits call 'synergy'. Sadly, Miss
Bobbins was doing a little dusting and her feather duster flipped an
important switch. The system reversed and Ian Devine was pumped full of
digestive gasses. I would like to say he flew about the room like a
balloon and that we all roared but he actually ended up in hospital for
nine weeks with severe internal stretching. On the plus side I took a snap
of him at his most expanded and sent it to "Slimming World" magazine along
with a picture of him after his hospital stay and he was awarded "Slimmer
of the Month" for August. That the world didn't end in a firestorm of
irony is a miracle."

One of the most
extraordinary theories ever developed in Doctor Who fandomania was born in
an issue of "November Rani". Gary Simons wrote an impassioned essay about
research he had conducted which proved that there were in fact two writers
employed by the BBC called Robert Holmes. In an effort to clarify a
situation which had baffled viewers for years, he wrote "It is
indisputable fact that the older Robert Holmes - hereafter referred to by
his full name of Robert C Holmes - was responsible for The Krotons, The
Space Pirates, The Power of Kroll, The Two Doctors and The Mysterious
Planet. The younger Holmes - aka Robert G Holmes - wrote Spearhead From
Space, Terror of the Autons, The Time Warrior, Ark In Space, The Deadly
Assassin, The Ribos Operation, The Talons of Weng Chiang, The Sun Makers
and the first half of The Ultimate Foe." The letters page of "November
Rani" exploded with debate about whether Robert C Holmes or Robert G
Holmes penned The Carnival of Monsters and many interesting theories were
expressed. Five issues into this fascinating controversy, Richard Bignell
sent them a letter explaining that the whole thing was utter rubbish and
that he had Robert Holmes' original birth certificate in his archive.
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