The Ribos Operation

“The Key To Time Story One”, “The Key to Time Serial One”, “The Key To Time Story Alpha”, “Ribosed – For Her Pleasure”

“The One With The Valuable Mineral That We’ll Have To Got To War Over" (USA), “Steffi Graff Vynda-K” (Germany)

Doctor Who gets a companion called Fred and they mess about with fake snow.

*** - it’s rather witty on a cold afternoon.

“My name is Romanananananananananananananananananananananananana” (replaced before recording)

"You hangs a bit of that around your pants and you won't never suffer from the scringes no matter 'ow cold it be!"

The idea of the Key to Time came to the production team while they were enjoying the communal bath at the end of the Invasion of Time studio shoot.

Mary Tamm was spotted by a talent scout during her previous life as a monkey scraper. She was lucky in that she had been temporarily promoted to monkey shaver that day and the scout thought she handled the blade with obviously theatrical flair.

Mary “Hooverlips” Tamm went on to appear in such diverse programmes as Crime Traveller and Jonathan Creek. However, her most convincing performance was her role as ‘Mary Tamm’ in the video ‘Myth Makers – Mary Tamm’. That video won her ‘Mary Tamm of the Year’ at the British Mary Tamm Awards (voted for by the Mary Tamm League).

Tom Baker’s first words to Mary Tamm were “Do you want to be my disciple?”

The BBC Audience Research Panel’s comments ranged from “Golly” and “That was half good” to “Pity the poor fools” and “I want anti-freeze”. The general consensus was “Dr Who is running out of steam but we like the new dolly bird”

The White Guardian was disowned by The Guardian as being racially unsound but, owing to the editor not wanting to call him ‘The Guardian’ as it might confuse readers of The Guardian into thinking that the newspaper was appearing in Doctor Who, the decision was made to refer to the character as ‘The’. Unfortunately, a typing error meant he was actually called ‘Het’.

A misplaced decimal point lead to the BBC believing that more people watched this serial than were actually living in Britain at the time. “It’s a bloody miracle” said the Director General. The leader of the Conservative Party issued a statement condemning illegal immigration.

...is that really long names can be conveniently shortened

Si Hunt

"I recall a particularly bad dream I had some weeks ago. I had eaten a small piece of cheese before bed and I certainly paid the price for it. I imagined myself to be a new arrival in the village and when asked what my name was (by someone who gave me a strangely long glance which started at my shoes and moved slowly up my body until he reached my face).

"Dennisbrentadvoratrelundar" I said.

"I'll call you Fred" replied the villager.

I sat bolt upright and loosened my bed-tie. My heart was beating wastefully fast and I had to take a small sip of water. I was deeply confused and had to think hard of a suitably witty retort. I returned to bed and counted elk for a while until I drifted back to sleep.

"Don't be pathetically stupid" I told the villager. "You will call me Dennisbrentadvoratrelundar as anything else would be beneath contempt."

The villager thought for a moment and then turned into a cheese sandwich. Thereby proving I was in the right all the time."

Bill Osgood, writing in "The White Guardian's Chair", felt moved to analyse the review written in the "Discontinuity Guide". A rumour circulated at the time that he had simply copied the piece from an internet message board but no one could provide a single atom of proof to support this theory.

[quote] 'Money isn't everything.' [/quote]

The choice of this quote proves that the authors are, at best, Communists and, at worst, Marxists.

[quote] 'Who wants everything? I'll settle for 90 per cent!' [/quote]

Like most of the material in this dreadful book this quote has been chosen with no real care. It is an example of Holmes' writing at its worst as he obviously didn't realise or care that 90% is very close to everything (i.e. 100%). To apparently cite it as a highlight of the story is symptomatic of the way they misunderstood everything.

[quote] A lovely story, [/quote]

Awww - yes - Doctor Who should be lovely. Not honest or brutal or adult. Lovely. Let's have bunnies and cake and angels and small golden haired children or dogs. I expect the authors thought the Russian Revolution was lovely too.

[quote] The Ribos Operation features another great Robert Holmes double act  [/quote]

A fairly average piece of flabby writing here - who are they referring to? The Doctor and K9? The Doctor and Romana? The two crooks? Romana and K9? The White Guardian and the Doctor? The planet Ribos and its frequent snow? Ye gods - these people couldn't make themselves clear if they invented a boiler suit which gave the wearer invisibility.

[quote] (Garron and Unstoffe) [/quote]

It's too late now. Comedy and good writing are all about timing and they don't have either.

[quote] and some amusing [/quote]

Argghhh - I hate it when authors try to pass their personal, subjective opinions off as fact. Not only do they force their idea of "amusing" down our reading throats but they even have the temerity to attempt to quantify it too. Perhaps they want to impose a socialistic amusement quota. Everyone has to laugh eight times a day or they are sent to a camp in Scotland for twenty years. Hello? Haven't they seen the Happiness Patrol?

[quote] tension[/quote]

I wasn't tense. There they go again - imposing their morality on the rest of us.

[quote] between the Doctor and his new assistant [/quote]

I can only assume they are referring to K9 or possibly the Tardis console as they are the only things I can remember which spent a memorable part of the story between the Doctor and Romana. Yet again the authors lose track of their main point and drift into frippery and sidelines.

[quote] ('You're not going back to Gallifrey, not for a long time, I regret to say.') [/quote]

It can't possibly be as long as it felt like just reading their biased, petty, illiterate and dreadfully dull review of The Ribos Operation. Fortunately I am a person who doesn't let things get to me but I imagine some might become inflamed or incensed by such wanton and shameless drivel.