
The
Invasion of Time

“Desperate Vardan”, “Doctor
Who and the Cockney Potato Man”, “Deadly Assassin II – This Time It’s
Crap”

“The One with the Migraine
Monsters” (USA), “A classic!!!” (DWM circa 1979), “Abysmal” (DWM circa
1999)

Doctor Who stops behaving like
Doctor Who just so he can trap some rubbish monsters.

*** - The Tardis loses all of
its mystique in just under two and a half hours.

Louise Jameson: 'Discussion is for
the wise or the helpless and I am neither.'
Producer: 'In that case there doesn't
seem much point negotiating your new contract.'

"The Castellan will have me
pants!"
"That's all right - I'll have his pants!"

The idea of Doctor Who
behaving in a bizarre, rude and selfish manner was suggested by an unnamed
regular co-star of Tom Baker’s.
Leela falling in love with
Andred was the most unlikely romance since Jeremy Beadle and Martina
Navratilova.
The soundtrack for this story
was produced by the trio who would go on to be the heart and soul of
Spinal Tap.
The Vardans prove that the
colour of terror is not green, it’s beige.
The Doctor Who Club’s official
newsletter said this story was “A beautiful epic with lyrical dialogue and
poetic performances. The resonance of the text is perfectly
counterbalanced by the almost parabolic symbolism of the emotional
metaphors presented by the author. The actors have an almost symbiotic
relationship and this fortuitous conjunction of televisual idealism gives
this production an angelic glow which brightened even the darkest of
viewers hearts.” It got three Tardises out of five in their ratings.
Lesley Judd can be seen
playing one of the elderly Time Lords. The producer said she “threw
herself into the role like a depressed man diving into a canal”.

...is that the best laid plans o' mice and
beige aliens will gang aft aglay.

Si Hunt

“I have mentioned before that there is a
"Doctor Who" themed restaurant in Bendaton and it was there that Ian
Devine and I found ourselves one lunchtime. He ordered 'The Invasion of
Pie' which was a series of six pies, the first four containing light meats
and the last two dark meats. I was feeling less hungry and ordered 'The
Seal of Ras-sirloin' - a prime steak in the shape of Rassilon's logo. My
motives for this were twofold - firstly that it was more expensive than
Ian Devine's pie-fest and secondly it came on a large inflatable cushion.
I was feeling a little sore after a morning traipsing round Bendaton and
welcomed the chance to sit on something soft. Once the waiter had
delivered the food I moved the cushion from my plate to my seat and
settled down on it. I let out a soft "ahh" of relief and tucked in to my
meal. Alas, the pillow was of inferior manufacture and it popped with
avengeance. I crashed down, banged my head and was knocked unconscious.
Once Ian Devine had finished his remaining three pies he loosened my tie,
splashed a small amount of water on my face and revived me. I had lost all
memory of the events and to this day do not remember anything that
happened prior to my confused awakening. I'm sure it's pure coincidence
that the people sat at the next table were never seen or heard from again.”

Virginia Tribbing, writing in the
lesbian fanzine "The Sistahood of Drahvin", wrote that Invasion of
Time "was a deeply insulting piece of phallocentric posturing which
perpetuates the male fantasy of using the penis to make everything he
doesn't like cease to exist. It is typical of the male agenda that
horrific devastation be committed under the convenient pretext that no
trace or memory remains just as they have swept centuries of abuse of
womyn under their collective masculine carpet. Then they grind salt into
our unified female wound by having the only femino-posityve character -
Leela - tamed by a typically ineffectual and military male. Why couldn't
she have married Rodan? That would've been a tremendously lesbio-posityve
developmynt. The messyge of empowermynt to the young womyn watchyng
would've been THE gendyr-related developmynt of 1978." A letter published
in the next issue commented "you lesbos can't spell but you're bloody good
at thinking up wanking material. Thanks!" |