Horror of Fang Rock

“Horror of Mary Lighthouse”, “Doctor Who and the Deadly Erection”, “A Matter of Rutan”

“The One with the Snot Monster” (USA), “Docteur Le Who et La Blob de Doomes”

Doctor Who makes Leela wear some clothes.

*** - It was rather patchy until the Cybermen turned up.

“I’ve sneezed scarier monsters than that” roared Tom Baker during shooting. He was given an ex gratia payment of ten pounds never to repeat the remark.

"'... the localised condition of planetary atmospheric condensation caused a malfunction in the visual orientation circuits. Or to put it another way, we lost our pants in the fog."

The BBC issued an apology after Louise Jameson covered her legs during the making of this serial. “She will be scantily clad from now on” said spokesbeing Alma Cogan II, “the show will once more be leer-worthy”.

The Hampton Wick called this story “in the grand old tradition of drama set in phallic buildings”. They gave the story four marks and made producer Philip Hinchcliffe Hampton Wick’s ‘Man, Woman or Person of the Week’

This story was written under a pseudonym by young gardener Alan ‘Tiny’ Titchmarsh and future slag Ulrika ‘Room for one more on top’ Johnson.

Production halted for two days when an unnamed cast member called a technician ‘unworthy of a spine’ after he refused to show due respect and kiss the unnamed cast member’s scarf.

The Pope saw this story on Vatican Gold and thought it was ‘rather good’. He was all in favour of visiting the set but his advisers vetoed it on security grounds.

...is that you shouldn't lock the enemy in when the option is there to lock it out.

Si Hunt

“I recall conducting a brief and informal conversation, on the record, with the actress Louise Jameson. She told me how wearing contact lenses to colour her eyes had been uncomfortable and she had persuaded the producers to change their minds about her eye colour.

'Don't be pathetically spineless' I quipped, 'I went through a similarly vain phase in my youth and can tell you that you young people don't know when you're well off. I went to see Mr Befecate the optician in Bendaton and he said that I could achieve blue eyes by wearing specially tinted lenses in my spectacles. I was unsure but he convinced me that no one in the village would notice. Well, he was contemptibly wrong as, three weeks after donning my blue tinged glasses, a local bumpkin asked me if I had dropped out and become a beatnik. I assured him that I hadn't but it took the purchase of a half glass of bitter before he was convinced of my continuing sensibleness. So don't give me any of your sob stories, woman, as I have known true suffering.'

She literally could not think of a single thing to say to me so threw her beverage in my face (which was surprisingly refreshing actually) and told me to stick my magazine up my a-n-u-s. I shouted that I had previously tried using it as a tube to extend the range of my ointment spray but she feigned deafness. The other people in the bar seemed interested though and a replicated the manoeuvre for a medical enthusiasts internet site.”

Bizarre but true, no one has ever written about "The Horror of Fang Rock" in print. There have been numerous hilarious practical jokes started online about the legality of releasing a story which features a lighthouse (stand up Steve "I put the RT in hilarity" Roberts) but no magazine, book, monograph, fanzine, newspaper, encyclopaedia or pocket guide has ever so much as sniffed around Horror of Fang Rock. It's inexplicable but irrefutable.