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Silver Nemesis
I must’ve really been back in the Doctor Who fold by this point as it is
four in a row that I clearly remember watching. It might be because I got
my first bedroom television (aside from the broken one with no green which
I had for a few weeks until they decided it was probably a bad idea to
watch it) in 1987 as a reward for passing the necessary exams to go to the
fine old school. The clearest memories I have are of the two men
controlled by the Cybermen (yet more brainwashing – there is a theme
developing here) and Ace’s frankly impressive ghetto blaster. Ghetto
blasters were cool and ones which could project holograms were cooler
still. My brother had one with detachable speakers and I was always
slightly in awe of that. These days he has a little son and an even
smaller daughter so I’m still in awe of him.
Speaking of m’brother, one day when he was out and I was bored, I went
through a pile of videos he had in his bedroom. I was about 15 at the time
and probably looking to see if he had any porn. I found something
promising – a tape with a blank label. That looked a promising candidate.
I can’t remember what fully clothed programmes were on that tape but the
last fifteen minutes or so was Silver Nemesis. He’d obviously recorded it
at the time (he had a video for some reason – probably the old one from
downstairs when I got my new telly so he wouldn’t feel left out or
something – details aren’t always my strong point) and taped over it. I
was fairly surprised – he’d never shown even the slightest hint of
watching Doctor Who when here he was taping it. A rare insight into
someone I realise now I’ve never really known.
And so to the Sylvester McCoy Curse and its origins. We went to Altrincham
one Saturday afternoon during school exams. We had exams twice a year,
every year so don’t give me any of that “pupils have too many tests”
nonsense because it was a jolly good way to teach people. We also went to
Altrincham during my mock GCSEs – it was the day after the Cloning of
Joanna May was on TV and I was still rather dreamy about Siri Neal. Her
and the next bit are my only two memories of Altrincham (except for the
obvious jokes that can be made about moving, adjusting or hitting
testicles).
Father was a bank manager and entitled to a company car. One year he
decided to buck the trend of sensible family cars and get a Ford RS2000
(the modern one not the 70s thing which looks like it was made in
Birmingham). This was fast, sporty and had no room for me in the back. I
think he was having a mid life crisis or something. So we went to
Altrincham and I got Silver Nemesis from Woolworths. I think it was £12.99
– the bump in price presumably reflecting the super extra bonus feature of
a behind the scenes documentary made for American television. A
documentary which is bound to be edited down to 20 minutes for the DVD,
thereby annoying every in the world who will have to keep their video
cassette and a machine on which to play it. It better not have been an
extra £2 for the revolting shiny cover. That would be taking the piss. We
went back to the car park to go home and there was no car. It had been
most effectively pinched. We went to the police station and stood behind a
woman who was convinced that the Game Boy her son had put down in a shop
and forgotten to pick up had been stolen (because it wasn’t where he
thought later he had last seen it). We eventually went home in a taxi and
spent several weeks driving round in a courtesy car. It stank – something
smelly came through the air vents every time they were switched on. Father
would go on to get a nice, sensible, bank managery, family car after that
and normality was restored. I’d lost my DWM summer special and more
importantly I now realised that something really terribly happened
whenever I bought a Sylvester McCoy video. My granddad died, the car was
stolen – what next? I explained this to my beloved and she just rolled her
eyes and told me I was being stupid. As usual she was right. But I didn’t
know that until I bought Dragonfire without serious consequences. Believe
me, it was touch and go whether I’d buy it or not. If it hadn’t been so
cheap I probably wouldn’t.
The Greatest Show in the Galaxy
Greatest Show in the Galaxy is responsible for a four day crush I had on
Jessica Martin. Possibly a six day crush if it spanned a weekend which I
think it might have done. It was quite remarkable – everything else in the
story just passed me by during those late night viewings. Clowns, robots,
mystical bollocks – none of it was of any consequence. The episodes went –
blah blah ooh Jessica blah blah yeah Jessica blah blah want more Jessica
blah blah there’s Jessica – and so on. I know she was a punk alien
werewolf from the future. Obviously she was a punk alien werewolf from the
future. But she was a gorgeous punk alien werewolf from the future.
Thankfully, once the serial was over I went back to normal and got all
pretentious about the underlying themes and metaphors in Greatest Show in
the Galaxy because that’s how it should be.
Battlefield
And so ended the BBC2 repeats run – starting with the Time Meddler,
covering all seven Doctors and spanning two years. It’s also my last
genuine memory of the original series – sitting down at assembly and
talking to the person next to me about the new Brigadier. I don’t know if
I knew there was an old Brigadier – except for what Battlefield told us –
but converse about it we did. That sounded a bit too Yoda-ish to me.
For some reason, whenever I try to think back to the repeat of Battlefield
I just get images from “The Riff Raff Element” – a comedy drama on at
about the same time. I think it’s because I spent a day during the school
hols copying things from tape to tape to get everything in the right
place. I must’ve done both of them on the same day. I do remember being
slightly shocked and appalled by Ace’s completely out of the blue moment
of racism when she’s arguing with Shou Yuing. I was much more comfortable
with their all hands to the pumps hug shortly after. Subtext? Maybe, if you half
close your eyes and use your imagination.
Ghost Light
This one came out on video on a bank holiday Monday which struck me as odd
at the time. I got it from WH Smith in Manchester when the store was in
the middle of yet another reorganisation. That store was always
reorganising. The irony is that they’d finally finished reorganising and
had everything exactly as they wanted it – extension and everything – when
the IRA bomb went off and Smiths was pretty much blown to bits. We called
at the hospital to see my grandmother on the way home. She’d had another
artificial knee put in and was in a very new bit of hospital. The décor
was bright and red and thoroughly modern. Her knee was going backwards and
forwards in a contraption. Needless to say, watching Ghostlight for the first time was
quite an experience. But, unlike the peeps in 1989, I was forewarned and
so knew I'd have to watch it three or four times before I'd get the
furrowed brow and quizzical expression off my face.
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Doctor
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