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Underworld
It had a man who looked like Engelbert Humperdinck, some weird guard
things which were actually quite scary because they didn’t have proper
faces and some caves. Or rather not caves – this was another of those
stories I went into with preconceptions. Underworld is rubbish, they said,
especially the CSO caves which wouldn’t fool anyone. So I was waiting for
the lousy caves - Engelbert Humperdinck and his peeps were messing about
for far too long. I wanted to see the non-caves. When I saw them I thought
they looked like ordinary caves. I suppose if you look forward to seeing
some caves, seeing some caves is about all you can expect. When the DVD
comes out I imagine they’ll CGI in some better caves and for the second
time I’ll sit through Underworld to judge some caves.
[Izzard]Binglebert Slaptiback[/Izzard]
The Invasion of Time
I liked the first four episodes – the Doctor’s betrayal works far better
than you might think it would after fifteen years as the unequivocal hero.
Not since the Edge of Destruction has the audience ever really believed he
might do something terrible. Then it all goes to hell – these days I’m
more appalled that the whole thing comes down to a rather crappy looking
gun but back in 1994 it was the use of a generic warehouse as the interior
of the Tardis which appalled me. It was on on the same day that Mark
Hughes scored a last minute equaliser against Oldham Athletic in the FA
Cup semi final. I wish I remembered that but I don’t – I’ve just found my
old diary and will see if there are any other bits of ephemera with which
to pepper these thin reminiscences.
Hugheseeeeeeee
The Ribos Operation
One odd thing I’ve noticed while leafing through the relevant bit of my
diary (don’t worry – this isn’t going to be a teenage diary piece) is that
I officially started to have a crush on Mary Tamm some six days before the
Ribos Operation began. I could’ve understood it happening as soon as that
panning shot went up her leg and introduced us to her magnificent
statuesque beauty but six days before? Based on what? The only Key to Time
video I would ever own was bought some years later. I can’t believe it was
entirely down to photographs. Maybe I’ve finally pinned down roughly when
I got the Tom Baker Years. My crush on Mary would last a while – it was
because of her that I started watching Brookside. Improbable as it sounds,
she did a stint on Brookside Close as a relative of one of the characters
who was too posh to live there but who had fallen on hard times. I was so
embarrassed about watching Brookside that I used to put the subtitles on
and watch it with the sound turned right down. Brookside wasn’t the sort
of thing that was watched in our house. I continued watching it after she
left – I even progressed to the point where I could watch it with the
sound on (albeit with the remote poised so I could mute the music). I want
to claim I saw the infamous Anna Friel kiss but I didn’t. I saw the tail
end of their relationship and Beth’s eventual coming out but a well
handled storyline was ruined by the tabloid friendly way it started. Et
cetera. This isn't about Brookside. But I did cry when Beth died. Though I
was angry that they reshot the scene so a double simply collapsed for no
good reason rather than the original Anna Frield hanging herself scene.
Gay relationships and suicide were two things I felt quite passionately
about then (and still do I suppose) and they didn’t do either to my
demanding standards.
Watching the Ribos
Operation also answered a long standing question about what the Doctor is
wearing on the cover of one of the annuals. I had said annual and could
never understand why he’s not in his usual costume. Did he, perhaps, have
a change of image in later seasons? Or was there a more mundane
explanation (spoiler alert – there was) for his wearing something so
functional? Now I knew – he was dressed as a guard and they inexplicably
chose that shot for the annual cover.
So keen was I on Mary Tamm that I even prepped for the Ribos Operation by
learning how to say Romanadvoratrelundar. I practiced and practiced until
I got it right. Then Mary went and got it wrong. Romanadvoratnuhlundar
indeed. I don’t know why I bothered.
I thought it might've been his new look. I was a moronic child
The Pirate Planet
The Pirate Planet was the story I was most looking forward to because in
the summer of 1994 I was a big Douglas Adams mark. I was aware of his work
for years – the books always seemed to have pride of place in the school
book shop and I was fascinated by the way the covers could be put together
in different ways to make different patterns. I was easily pleased. The
only fun things in that book shop were the Hitch Hiker’s novels and the
Garfield comic books. Though I once got a Doctor Who novel from there so
the librarian who ran it must’ve been slipping. It was Eurovision Day in
1993 when I bought the first HHGTTG video from Southport and I was hooked.
The clumsy editing of those compilations meant I was also a bit confused.
Things seemed to suddenly repeat themselves for no reason. Why anyone at
the Beeb thought that cutting out the credits made for a more enjoyable
experience I don’t know. So I was looking forward to Douglas’s first
Doctor Who and I found it a bit disappointing. For every sparkling
sequence of dialogue, for every fantastic idea and for every well chosen
word there was a long and boring Mentiad sequence. The need for a plot
seemed to restrict Douglas’s writing. Hitch Hiker’s let him be free with
no need for anything which didn’t push the jokes along. I felt similar to
how I felt when I read "Life, the Universe and Everything" – it was
Douglas Adams but a Douglas Adams trying to fit someone else’s idea of
what Douglas Adams should be writing. The Pirate Planet was no where near
as bad as L, the U and E but I still felt let down. I could take some
comfort from the Captain though and for a while I enjoyed using the phrase
"Balls, balls, dross and baubles" before realising it was actually baubles
three times and I’d misheard the balls. The balls make it great I think
and I’ve not used the phrase much since.
The man
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Doctor
Who, What, Where, When, Why and How