The Time Team - Week Five

There was only one way to describe Chez Lawrence. Shoes. Shoes and shoes and shoes. The chairs were piles of shoe boxes with throws over them, the table was a board balanced on top of piles of shoes, there were framed shoes on the walls and Airfix model shoes hanging from the ceiling. The life sized Sean Bean cut-out was an island of beauty in a sea of footwear.

"I'll be with you in a moment" called Hetty, "My elastic has snapped"

"I've got a safety pin - I'll be up in a moment" replied Lissa. Carol pulled her back with a tug on the pony tail.

"Tart" she said curtly.

"I just wanted to say" began Clayton, brushing aside the pair of stilettos which had already settled on his papers, "that I have every confidence that this instalment will go without a hitch."

There was an avalanche of boots which signalled someone foolishly trying to use the front door.

"Evenin' all" said happy-go-lucky barman Dancin' Benny Del Verano. "My boss is a weasel, I live in the devil's toilet, Liverpool have just lost nine - nil to Peterborough and I'm afraid I've passed the audition for Big Brother" he grumbled. "Still, never mind - is that a wine bottle I see before me?"

"I want each of you to say something sensible about The Aztecs" began Clayton, his lap top having booted up and now displaying his “Glamorous” Gary Russell wallpaper.

"I liked it" said Lissa.

"Could you say something just a little bit more in depth?"

"I liked it quite a lot."

"Try saying something objective."

"I liked the middle bit best. And the start and the end as well."

"Anyone else care to start the ball rolling?"

"It's not as good as Machu Pichu - three quarters of which is now available on several websites" announced Carol, swatting away a pair of glitter covered sandals which seemed to have taken a fancy to her sandwich.

"Anyone else?" pleaded Clayton.

"There were too many headpieces and not enough shoes" opined Hetty.

"One last hope - Dancin' Benny, any opinion?"

"It was like Shakespeare."

"In what way?"

"It was quite good" affirmed Benny.

They were momentarily distracted by what sounded like "Ecky thump lass - let us owt of t'cupboard - I got t'get t'film set in half an hour" coming from under the stairs.

"Mice" explained Hetty and the team nodded in sympathy. She double checked that the padlock was in place and returned to the discussion.

"Seventh time lucky" wailed Clayton. "Does anyone have anything intelligent to say about The Sensorites?"

"I thought it was a geosocial masterpiece of sociopolitical tensions" said Carol.

"That's interesting because I thought it was a socioeconomic parable of geopolitical stratification" added Lissa.

"I prefer to think of it as a radical attack on the politicoeconomic dogma of a technosocial society" explained Benny.

"They had round feet" began Hetty, "Imagine the shoes they'd need - they'd be like 3D LPs. Smashing."

"Oh dear" sighed Clayton. He leaned back in the chair and, the moment he showed weakness, a shoal of slippers attacked and he was engulfed.

In the search for yet another classy cliff-hanger, Lissa pressed the button to open Clayton's laptop's CD ROM drive. She found that she and the team could climb inside.

"It's a TARDIS" she gasped, "The Editor's got a TARDIS..."

(fade to black)

NEXT EPISODE "THE END OF THE CHECKMATE"