(St. Valentine's Day Edition)

Q. Do you think spoons are the most romantic cutlery ?

A. What is "romantic" ?

Q. Would you, for example, give a bunch of spoons to your girlfriend ?

A. What's a "girlfriend" ?

Q. Do you believe that some mouldy old roses have nothing on a beautifully wrapped bunch of shiny new spoons ?

A. Please tell me what a "girlfriend" is.

Q. Lets take a practical example - if you wanted to impress Nyssa, would you give her a bunch of spoons or just a single one ?

A. I'm quite mean so I'd probably just give her one.

Q. And how would the rest of the evening go ? A little spoon music, spoon shaped candles, a Spanish spoon player..?

A. Is this still connected with this "girlfriend" thing that you won't explain to me ?

Q. Yes. How would you impress Nyssa if you really tried ?

A. I'd do some really tricky sums - she's a sucker for someone who can do calculus in their head.

Q. Have you any words of advice for young lovers on this - St Valenspoon's Day ?

A. What is a "lover" ?

Q. Has anything amusing ever happened to you in connection with a spoon ?

A. No.