"What's that on the scanner, Doctor?" asked Jamie

"It looks like aliens have kidnapped human beings and are making them take part in some sort of military competition" replied Doctor Who. "I wonder what it's called."

"The Combat Challenges?" suggested Zoë.

"The Battle Amusements?" offered Jamie.

"The Conflict Matches" decided Doctor Who.

"They must be stopped" declared Doctor Who. "I'll just press this button and call the Time Lords. They'll think of something."

"While they're doin' that, Doctor, can we go to that new nightclub on Venus?" asked Jamie.

"Oh well... I'm not really a... it's not really my sort of... oh very well Jamie" said Doctor Who.

"I've memorised a list of drug dealers" said Zoë efficiently "so we'll soon be off our heads."

"Aye, that's more like it" enthused Jamie.

"I don't... I'm not sure... oh my giddy aunt... oh crumbs..." replied Doctor Who.

"Fifty Giganuts for one small tablet?" gasped Doctor Who, "that's about ten English pounds. Oh my giddy aunt... oh crumbs..."

"It's well worth it" said Zoë. "I've memorised a list of the pleasurable effects and logically we should take the tablets if we want to have an enjoyable evening."

"Logic merely allows one to get high with a clear conscience" muttered Doctor Who. Reluctantly he paid the dealer and took his tablets.

"WOW!!!"

"Oh my giddy aunt... oh crumbs..." groaned Doctor Who as he staggered back to the TARDIS. "Thank goodness I'm a Time Lord and can clear this hangover by regenerating."

"That's no fair, Doctor" grumbled Jamie.

"Sod fairness - I feel like someone has crapped in my head" snapped Doctor Who.

"It's started" gasped Doctor Who. "I'm changing..."

"Will ye get oot of mah lap, Doctor?" demanded Jamie.

Suddenly Doctor Who's face became open and honest and a vworping sound could be heard in the console room.

"Well that's cleared my hang over" declared Doctor Who. "Does anyone fancy a fry up?"