St Kaled's Parish Newsletter - Issue Five

Hullo!!!!!

It hardly seems like five minutes since I was last talking to you - that's time corridors for you!!!

The Opening of the new St Kaled's Wax Work Museum

I was delighted to be invited to open the newest tourist attraction in the parish. Containing wax copies of such celebrities as Rodney Bewes, the exhibition has already been declared a success. Other popular exhibits include two London police men which shoot visitors with real bullets!!! It is hoped that dummies of television character Peter Davison and his friends will shortly be unveiled although I believe there have been some small problems in gaining Mr Davison's consent. Well done to Sue Preme-Dalek who had the idea of the wax work. May I just add that anyone who criticises this project for concentrating on the past at the expense of the future should remember that they are in a minority!!

The St Kaled's Tram

Thanks to the fund raising efforts of Barry Van Dalek, the St Kaled's tram (which was closed over fifty years ago) has been reopened. Travelling between the docks and the station, it has already proved popular with commuters. The line was reopened, with no lack of pomp and ceremony!!!, by former Howard's Way star Maurice Colbourne. I'd like to thank Mr Colbourne (who also took time from his busy schedule to pose for the afore mentioned wax museum - an all round good egg!!!!!)

The St Kaled's Archaeology Society

The Society recently celebrated its tenth anniversary with a special celebratory dig. The event was opened by former children's television presenter Chloe Ashcroft and uncovered several items of enormous interest. Sadly these were commandeered by Captain Nedward Dalek of the local TA regiment who said they might be unexploded bombs. Or worth money. One or the other. Anyway, it was the taking part that counts!!!!

A Message From the Vicar

It saddens me to hear that we have recently had a problem with streakers in the parish. Nude parishioners sneaking about the place and scaring passers by. I'd like to add my voice to those condemning what we can only assume is a drunken student prank. Sorry to sound like the strict old (young!!!) uncle but several of the old ladies have complained.

Another Message From the Vicar

Two in one bulletin ?!?!?! This one is to thank Mr Levine for his contributions to my recent sermons. What that man doesn't know about the history of St Kaled's... However I'd like to remind Mr Levine that he is only an aide and that she shouldn't go around the parish telling people that he's the Executive Vicar. I'm really not interested in how many editions of the parish magazine he saved years ago - there is only one Vicar around here and that's me!!!

Well, that's about all from me for this month.

Bless you my children

Nigel

Rev Nigel Dalek I