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 THE FIVE KNOCKERS By Eric Sordid PART SIX The crotchety old First Doctor and Tegan have arrived in a room with what appears to be a huge chessboard painted on the floor. As the feisty air-hostess is about to step on it, her elderly companion stops her. First Doctor: "Dont be in such a hurry, young woman." Tegan: "Do we have to pay to get in?" First Doctor: "It could cost you your life. Or at very least, a spell in the slammer." He chucks his money away like a hardened ga =Gp2Ԅ.%@cZ(|2dѯ(OQ@
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*-G;",äFDP=+ˀT(b+] yBr( A ,|=:0[fh2dx0 ]^lNF6Qx^ev@*@; JB1rʾzB Liz Shaw (Lesley Judd) appears. Third Doctor: "Cripes! Hello old girl. Any more of you hanging around over there?" Liz: "Theres a couple of fellows you know all too well, Doctor." Third Doctor: "Oh no, not Noaksie and bloody Purves?" Liz: "And many more besides the shows been running for forty five years, you know." Third Doctor: "Zoikes." Yates: "And they're all waiting for you you were the star, after all. The sensible one. The one who got all the plush jobs like the Princess Anne report." Third Doctor: Yes, I suppose I am. Well, you wait here for a moment - I'll go and get Sarah." Yates: "I'll fetch her." Third Doctor: "No, Id better go - she's nervous enough as it is." Liz: "No, Doctor the others need you urgently I think Yvette Fieldings going to try some pancake tossing." The Doctor considers, and looks at the open faces of Liz and Mike Yates. Third Doctor: "No, I think I'll go thanks." Using some flamboyant dodging skills, the Doctor evades them and heads back down the corridor from whence he game. Third Doctor: "Balls to you! You're phantoms - illusions of the mind!" Liz: "Oh boll-l-l-l-l-l-l-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-c-kkks." As she says this, Liz and Yates disappear. Sarah: "Whats going on? Doctor! Doctor? Oh, there you are." Third Doctor: "Yes, here I am, Sarah. Hang on a minute. Are you the real Sarah?" Sarah: "Duh who else would I be - Eammon Holmes? What was that awful screaming noise?" Third Doctor: "Just phantoms from the past." Sarah: "Yes, well, I'm in the present and dont you know what I am, I'm real" Third Doctor: "Shake that booty, girlfriend." They hurry off towards the Tomb. In another part of the Tower, the First Doctor and Tegan are mooching around by a staircase. Tegan: "Do you feel weird, Doctor?" The First Doctor: "Like, when you know you have feelings for somebody, and that they feel the same way, yet its a love that never can be? Well it can be. If you want it to be, my sweetheart." Tegan: "What are you on about, granddad? I was talking about being scared." The First Doctor: "Love is a terrifying thing a heartbeat away from passion, and from loss. But we can make it through the darkness, baby." Tegan: "Listen you freaky old wrinkle-bag, I find you about as sexy as Mister Bean. Im talking about this sense of panic and horror." The First Doctor: "Oh, you mean youre full of strange fears and mysterious forebodings?" Tegan: "Thats the one do you feel it?" The First Doctor: "No, as a matter of fact, I don't. Its all an illusion, my child. We're close to the domain of Rassilon, whose mind is reaching out to attack us. Just ignore it as I do." Tegan: "How?" The First Doctor: "Well, flooding your colostomy bag is a good start. Its difficult to think about anything else when that happens." Tegan, looking as nauseous as hell, follows the stinking old fellow down the corridor. Behind them, laughing sinisterly, the Master runs down the stairs like a contestant on The Price Is Right.
END OF PART SIX
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