Trading Futures

Lance Parkin

for the defence: Just War (NA), The Dying Days (NA), Cold Fusion (MA), Father Time (EDA)

for the prosecution: Not so much as an overdue library book. What a good boy.

Well it's a bit of a mess, but basically there's this conman who has convinced the powers-that-be in the USA and Europe that he has a time machine, and is prepared to sell to the highest bidder. Mixed haphazardly with this is a race of rather inept rhino-like aliens who also want time travel, and then in the middle of the book Anji slips into a bikini so, erm, and then... It's all a bit of a blur after that to be honest, but basically, erm, well, the Doctor saves the day and they all live happily ever after.

Maybe it's the danger of anticipation, but this is the first Lance Parkin book that has been a disappointment. As well as a shaky main plot, which is not helped by having dramatically weak subplots to 'support' it, the prose itself seems to lack Parkin's normal style and care. Athens is washed away, killing millions, and yet the book not so much fails to make us care, as doesn't even try. The story also ends very abruptly, with the threats quickly and arbitrarily despatched, and all in all only Anji's bikini helps make this anything more than an unmemorable mess.

There are the usual nods to past adventures, going back to Anji being pursued by dinosaurs in Earthworld. There are also a couple of sly winks contained in the chapter titles - the prologue being entitled The Banquo Legacy (the last EDA before The Ancestor Cell) and chapter twenty being called Endgame. Not to be outdone by mere original novels, the TV series gets a mention too, with chapter fifteen being Time-flight.

Further to Anji's closure on the whole Dave issue in Hope... perhaps unsurprisingly, here we go again with Anji still apparently struggling with having lost him. Given the opportunity to select a destination to try out the new time machine, she goes for Brussels in February 2001. So much for having got it out of her system. On the subject of times past, Fitz' being able to speak Chinese (learnt when he was part of Mao's Army in Revolution Man) is mentioned.

The Ohnir race, as well as being desperate to get their, er, paws on time travel appear to have acquired a collection of rare paraphernalia. On page 84 they are wearing what can surely only be a slightly tatty pair of Timelord robes - maybe they got them at one of those Bonhams auctions? They also appear to have been reading up on the recent EDAs, since they are well aware that there are "four surviving elementals" in the wake of Gallifrey's destruction. Given that three of these must be the Doctor, the Master and that wretched Wildthyme woman... Who is number four?

The opening TARDIS scene carries some intriguing comments which I feel sure are pointers to the future. Anji, apparently, has come to the conclusion that there is "a bigger picture" to their travels now, but one that they are all missing. What has brought her to this realisation is not specified - as far as I can see, the only obvious link between adventures in recent times is that Anji is forever going on about bloomin' Dave. Of course, she does wear a bikini during the book's middle-section, so she's not all bad.

Fitz also has a feeling that something is up. He no longer remembers the events of The Ancestor Cell as comprehensively as he did back in Escape Velocity and Earthworld, and this actually ties in well with his being a little unsure as to just how and when he had met Iris before (he is vague on the subject in Mad Dogs and Englishmen, although he is sure that, as the Monkees might have said, she is a girl that he met somewhere). Less well-matched to what has gone before is the revelation that the TARDIS is much smaller inside than it used to be - Fitz recalls that it used to be "infinite" (according to the Doctor at the time anyway) but now it seems to be really rather poky. To reach the point furthest from the console room, Fitz only apparently has to go through a couple of doors, to a "corridor that didn't lead anywhere". Granted it's still impressive for the interior of a police box, but it doesn't sit well with the fairly clear-cut comment back in Escape Velocity that "the ship was impossibly, magnificently, unknowably huge." Even stranger, Fitz thinks he hears something scratching on the other side of the wall at the end of this corridor. I have to assume that we shall come back to this in later books - maybe the Doctor has Michael Grade bricked up in there?

Sabbath, or at least his presence, is shoe-horned into the book for no good reason and with no good explanation. The Doctor is attacked by a couple of Sabbath's 'crew' who have, it seems, been recruited to stamp out unlawful time meddling. They seem to think that Sabbath will be unhappy with them for letting the Doctor escape, which seems odd bearing in mind that it's exactly what Sabbath did in the previous book. The older of the two hails originally from the forty-ninth century, which is of course the century that Susan claimed to be from in the original version of the very first episode. The Doctor in Escape Velocity also speculated that perhaps he came from that century, so it's clearly an officially-approved BBC EDA in-joke.

The character of Mather, from Father Time, returns, having been promoted from space shuttle science officer to President of the USA (at least, I assume that's promotion). This fits in with the flash-forward from that same book, of an older Mather - the image of a vehicle that looks like a cross between a "tank and a chrome turtle" also appears to come from this book, so that's another two off the ever-diminishing list.

Oh and Anji wears a bikini. Or did I mention that already?

As the cover (and indeed Anji's bikini) suggests, this book seems to be attempting to 'do a James Bond'. The Doctor's first appearance sees him parachuting onto a boat and over-powering all three occupants, before jauntily swanning off for lunch. Clearly in the Roger Moore rather than the Sean Connery mode.

The Doctor goes through the normal heroic motions, but I'm not convinced that he actually comes out of this one with his reputation wholly intact. He doesn't save Athens (although he does save his own life by hiding in a bank vault) although he does save Toronto from a similarly devastating fate. But he also summarily gives up the villain of the piece to the Rhino people, rather than leaving him to human justice - not only that, he equally casually drives one of the book's secondary villains to jump off a cliff.

All in all, the Doctor comes across as rather glib here, almost superficial - he might say he cares, but he doesn't particularly show it. He's more concerned with criticising Sabbath's bad taste in naming his cabin boy (Roja, pronounced as in Roger, the Cabin Boy - yes, ha ha) than he is in helping, and indeed he then leaves said cabin boy to his death. The book seems to be taking the attitude that the Doctor is pitted against Sabbath, which I don't think really stacks up. At worst Sabbath has been amoral and selfish in his previous two adventures, but he certainly hasn't been a clear-cut villain. Not yet anyway...

The ever-reliable Fitz rather neatly sums up the Doctor's influence on people's lives when he asks Anji, "Before you met the Doctor, did things ever explode?"

This Book: I got this from the same source as my copy of Anachrophobia (ie a birthday present from bruv) so that means I've saved the whole £5.99 price again. Lovely jubbly!

Running Score: £65.57 against RRP to date. Can I save £100 before the end of the series - and if so, where is it?!