Anachrophobia

(although I keep wanting to call it Anorakaphobia for some reason)

Jonathan Morris

for the defence: Well he was an absolute institution presenting Animal Magic for all those years, until the BBC-- Hm? Wrong one? Well, in that case he was very entertaining as Adrian Boswell, the poet of the clan ("My Granny's Bucket") in Carla Lane's Bread, and of course he appeared as one of the men in a dress in Snakedance with Peter Da-- Hm? What do you mean, not him either? Oh for goodness sake, it can't be that common a name surely, he must be one of those two, and I for one won't hear a word said against him. Them.

for the prosecution: Nothing at all (although the BBC seemed to think that dubbing voices over animal footage was no longer PC in the 1980s, b****y philistines).

The plot is fairly simple to describe - creatures composed apparently of time itself are arriving on a war-torn world, and transforming their victims into walking clocks. But it's one v-e-r-y scary book, full of atmosphere and tension, like Fury from the Deep but without the bubbles.

By any measure, this book is one of the successes of the EDA range. It has a simple plot, that plays out in such a way as to still throw up some surprises - in particular, the 'twist' ending which allows the Doctor to snatch victory from apparent defeat. It has a crisp, unshowy but competent prose style. It has a small enough set of character for us to be able to keep track of and believe in all of them. And it has such a tremendous sense of tension that it really is one of the range's page turners. Another corker!

Although more or less a 'standalone' book, there are a few bits 'n' pieces to mention. There are references to the three most recent books, with reminders of Anji's betrayal in Hope, the planet of the dog people from Mad Dogs and Englishmen, and Sabbath and the Doctor's heart op in The Adventuress of Henrietta Street.

Sabbath also puts in an appearance - he spends half of the book in disguise a la the Master (except without the anagram) and although it's blatantly clear in the last three pages that it is indeed him, the name 'Sabbath' is never actually used. His pseudonym is Mr Mistletoe (for whatever reason) and to be honest it was suggested earlier in the book that he might be Sabbath, when he seemed particularly interested in the Doctor and his heart...

Sabbath turns out to have more or less stage-managed the whole adventure, and has used the Doctor to defeat the 'clock-creatures'. These beings are apparently the enemies of some clients of Sabbath - he says that with the demise of the clocks, "My associates and I now control the continuum." I have to assume that Sabbath's 'associates' will crop up at some point, and I just hope they don't turn out to be the Faction Paradox. I think we've had quite enough of them thank you!

As Sabbath goes back to his ship (we don't see the ship, only a door) we hear the sound of apes, although no mention is made of Juliette. Maybe she got married off at the end of some adventure, the way companions sometimes do...

The look and the feel of Isolation Station Forty, where the lion's share of the action takes place, is very much out of a fifties or sixties B-movie, with bakelite and transistor valves being the order of the day, and the book neatly makes the distinction between Anji (who sees this stuff as tremendously old-fashioned) and Fitz, who at least before he joined the Doctor would have viewed it as state-of-the-art. Fitz also gets to show his age by giving us his Bluebottle impression! In addition to that he says (on page 163) "When I say run, run" so we have to assume that Fitz was a bit of a Troughton fan back in the sixties.

Reference is made to the song "Business is Business" from the Doctor Who - The Ultimate Adventure stageplay (no, honestly) and as for the cover... Although I suspect it's actually based on a 'proper' work of art, to we humble Who fans it's a clear homage to Romana being sketched as a lady with a clock for a face in part one of City of Death. Well, I think it's marvellous...

The image of a man with a clipboard and a bowler hat, from the Father Time fast-forward sequence, comes to pass here - it is our first sighting of Mr Misteltoe in fact. I reckon there are only seven or eight references from that to be found now, so maybe one day I'll be able to shut up about it.

Lastly Mr Morris, in addition to being able to give voice to the elephant and the orang-utan, is clearly a bit of a Douglas Adams fan. A few lines are so evidently based on lines from THHGTTG, perhaps most obviously Fitz' claim that he'd "rather be happy than rich any day" on page 192. My number one guess for Misletoe's true identity was Sabbath, but number two was an aged Magrathean coastline designer...

Given that much of this book is an archetypal 'base under seige' story, it's probably no surprise that the Doctor is pretty much his 'archetypal'self. As with Hope, the character here is the hero that we all want him to be - he gets involved, he cares, he tries to help save lives, and he defeats the enemy.

Much is again made of his new found frailties (yes, there is another mention of the good old respiratory bypass) and particularly when he is exposed to mustard gas. When the last chapter of the book reveals that he has in fact done this deliberately, in an attempt to kill himself and thus escape from any hold the clock people might exert over him, it just reinforces the superhuman compassion of this more human Doctor.

Our legal department has asked us to point out that the Doctor is a fully qualified, totally fictional character. Please do not try inhaling mustard gas at home.

This Book: My brother bought me this for my birthday nearly two years ago, and like the sad Who anachr-- anorak, that I am I've only now read it, in sequence. It came with the attached gift tag, which has been my EDA bookmark ever since. And, although after such a warming family tale it seems somewhat vulgar to discuss money I'll just force myself to mention that as a present it means I've been spared the whole £5.99 price. Thanks bruv!

Running Score: £59.58 against RRP to date.