Grimm Reality

Simon Bucher-Jones & Kelly Hale

Well, Kelly Hale I don't know about, but Simon Bucher-Jones was co-author on the often-impenetrable, anti-climactic disappointment that was EDA The Taking of Planet 5 so that's one for the prosecution I'm afraid.

A living planet (yes, another one - and it's called Albert apparently) has become a fairytale world based on the myths/dreams/imaginations of its human colonists. It's near a white hole which has spewed out some super-duper special sort of white hole matter which some traders are after. The trader crew is made up of three races, human, hippo and insect, but I find myself not caring anywhere near enough to want to elaborate on that.

I've never really taken to the fantasy genre, so consequently this book was a real struggle to get through. Set on a world of fairytales where wishes come true, a lot of the twists and turns in the "plot" seem arbitrary and that makes for a rather stacatto book, bits and pieces cobbled together without much thought. The needlessly complicated crew set-up amongst the traders doesn't help. So, two main problems for me - too many characters for the reader to really care about any of them; and a very slim plot. Undoubtedly one of my least favourite EDAs to date.

There are some references to earlier books, with Anji recalling Hitchemus (The Year of Intelligent Tigers) and the Kulan (Escape Velocity), and references to Miranda (again) and rather pointlessly the Kursaal system (Kursaal being the name of the planet in an early EDA called, surprisingly enough, Kursaal).

We discover that the Doctor learnt the Heimlich manoeuvre during the 1980s. We discover that Fitz wanted to be a flying monkey (from "The Wizard of Oz") when he was seven. And most disturbingly of all, we discover that Anji hasn't waxed her bikini line since she was fifteen. Erm, OK... Moving on then...

On page 97 the Doctor is briefly taken ill, and in fact that reminds me that there was a similarly unexplained moment of weakness back in The City of the Dead (page 20). I believe this may be the aftershock of the destruction of Gallifrey catching up with him, and may well be dealt with in more detail in the next book...

Reference to the Doctor's past lives is made on page149, when he appears to cast seven other shadows as well as his own. It may sound nice, but I did find myself wondering how exactly that would work - and since the answer is that the planet is akin to a world of dreams, I think there isn't any real reason other than the authors thought (wrongly I might add) that it would be rather clever. I far preferred the Doctor's unwittingly self-referencing comment (on page 146) that he is apparently immortal "barring accidents" - that being just the phrase used by Doctor number two in part ten of The War Games of course.

I may be seeing patterns in things that aren't there again, but when the Doctor refers to having a phobia about silverfish, I can't help but wonder whether it's his subconscious recalling the terrifying/cute [delete as applicable] Cybermats. Freud (yes, he gets another mention) submitted the Doc' to hypnotherapy on the subject, apparently.

The old Father Time flashforward montage comes out of retirement again. The planet called Albert, and the people in Renaissance clothing, both feature here, in a rather confusing sequence over pages 190-192. I say confusing, because we don't actually see the events literally happen, so much as witness the Doctor remembering foreseeing them the first time around. You are following this aren't you?

Lastly, and most annoyingly of all, is the genuinely pointless comment that the human traders labelled the planet (because it is close to a White HOle) as "WHO one". Help!!!

The eighth Doctor appears to be changing from unwitting sex symbol to active slut! Having 'got down' with the water nymph in the previous book, he's now snogging (page 242 if you don't believe me) a lady called Janet.

Other than that, it's pretty much standard fare here. He's resourceful, he's clever, he's dashingly heroic, he's nice... Oh, and on page 273, not dissimilar to a 9th Doctor soundbite, he says "I love what I do".

This Book: Thankfully I only paid £1.29, inclusive of postage, for a mint copy, from eBay. Even with that massive saving of £4.70 I'm not sure I wasn't robbed...

Running Score: £43.95 against RRP to date.